The Holic Returns

Its been a while, but the Holic found some inspiration last night and decided to get a bit off his chest. Coming off a seven month layoff, the Holic is a bit rusty, but here goes.

Last year, I made a point of lampooning those who rely too heavily on the terms “bubble,” “Sweet Sixteen” and “Elite Eight” when discussing the NCAA tourney. The Holic’s thesis was these clichés had dumbed down tourney talk over the years and discourse should return to the glory days when teams advanced to regionals and regional finals. Well this year, I am going to take it one step forward and declare war on those who haphazardly throw around the word “run.” Lets get this straight – doesn’t the word “run,” when used as a noun, imply the traveling of some distance? After all, isn’t it a bit disingenuous to trot around the block and then tell a friend you got up early this morning and went for a “run?” The same theory applies in the gaming world. How can you possibly claim to have gone on a run in Blackjack when you won just two or three hands? You can’t and that is why most tired gambling stories don’t rely on the term unless a truly material winning streak came to fruition. So this begs the question: there seems to be some minimum standard used when “run” is applied as a noun in other settings, but how come this standard is thrown out the door when we are discussing the NCAAs? Sorry guys, UW-Milwaukee won two games last year – THAT IS NOT A RUN! UAB won two games in 2004 as a nine seed – again – NOT A RUN. Butler, a twelve seed in 2003, also won two games. Sorry guys - not a run. All three of these mislabeled “runs” were real nice opening weekends, but nothing more. Lets clean it up guys. In the future, lets try to be a bit more compliant with the terms and parameters of the English language. As such, I am proposing a new rule. From here on out, there is no using the term “run” for any top-24 team that doesn’t win a regional final. Secondly, I’ll bend on the lower-seeds and allow that “run” can be used to describe those teams that win three games and go down valiantly in game four. But be careful, I don’t want to hear someone a year from now talk in glowing terms about Wilmington’s great ‘run” when they got blown out by 37 in a regional final to Texas.

While we are tightening up our tourney talk, lets also do away with some of those old-age axioms that are supposed to predict and dictate tourney success. Lets see, according to conventional wisdom, a championship tourney team must have “senior leadership,” great backcourt play, a dominant big man, and be battle tested against a tough schedule. Sorry guys – there is no such thing as a full-proof axiom so lets just put these little babies in the drawer. Just in case you want some evidence before you vote to indict, I submit that UNC won last year without any seniors, UCONN won in 2004 with TALIK BROWN running the show, and Arizona won in 1997 with nothing up front. Sure, it helps having each of these ingredients, but history has shown that none is required to make the dish work.

Lets move on to some hoops and the selections:

With regard to the seeding, no real complaints from this dog: Sure, Tennessee is seeded too high and Hofstra probably deserved to go ahead of George Mason, but why should I be broken up that Florida State didn’t get in? I thought Jim and Billy really mounted a poor argument last night when they went after the committee for not giving the power conferences a couple more bids. Nantz, in particular, was armed with mountains of data, all of which was misapplied. His basic thesis was if you look at the ACC over the past five years, they have won a ton of tourney games and three titles. With such a record, how can Maryland or Florida State be passed over for George Mason or Bradley? What Jimbo failed to disclose is those games were largely won by the ACC’s big boys and not the doormats that got in late because their older brothers were allowed to bring a guest. The issue is not whether the ACC’s big boys should be invited - it’s whether or not to invite the kid brother. Is Maryland better then Air Force? Sure it is and the bet here is Florida State would probably take 7 out of 10 from Bradley. But at the end of the day, does it really matter who gets those final spots? The last couple at-large bids can sometime stir up a little commotion, but I can’t recall a double-digit seed going to the final four since LSU in 1986. The morale to this story is neither FSU or Maryland had very good years, neither had good schedules (FSU’s was terrible) and neither picked up the big conference tourney game it needed.

Some initial thoughts and observations:

I would love to see a UNCW v. Duke match up in round two. I can’t say I watched a whole lot of Colonial hoops this year, but I did watch the conference final and Wilmington can play. They got some size and their wing guys can shoot. I’m not looking forward to that Whiskey/Zona game at all – probably the two coldest at-large teams in the tourney right now. The bet here is Lute can't wait for this season to end and his cats play like dogs. Syracuse has a bit of mojo working right now, but I hate that second round match-up against LSU. If one five-seed must fall, Syracuse is probably the safest bet, but I actually think this might be the year the 5-12 jinx may be broken. As for first round upsets of seeded teams, I think Winthrop or South Alabama could perhaps put a blemish on one of those two SEC paper tigers.

I tend to agree with those pundits who argue that Minneapolis is the toughest region in this year’s tourney. I know Ohio State lost yesterday, but they strike me as the best two seed and I like BC a bunch in that four hole. On the flip side, Oakland appears to be the weakest bracket as Zaga is a mark, and both UCLA and Memphis came out of terrible conferences. My final four – I’ll take Texas, UCLA, UCONN and Ohio State. Side note on the UCLA homer pick – the last time the Bruins went to the Final Four – 1995 – they went through Oakland.

Who had a tougher month: Michigan Basketball or the Bush Administration? Before you answer, here are the facts. Since February 1, the Big Blue lost seven of nine, including a thirty pointer at Iowa, a 14 pointer at Division III Purdue, a 12 pointer at home against the headless Hoosiers and must have against Minnesota in the Big-11 conference tourney. At what point do we have to close the book on the Tommy Amaker experiment? Kids, it has been five years since the golden child was brought to Ann Arbor and he still hasn’t rung the register. Listen, in his defense, Amaker inherited a bag of shit, but five years is enough time to raise the dead and in this instance, the corpse still isn’t twitching. If I were the powers that be at Michigan, I would can TA and then fly down to Morgantown and scoop up John Beilien. Either that or bring back Roy Tarpley to coach.

In light of the Amaker debacle, I am starting to think the last thing any Duke fan should ever want is a Christmas present that says Johnny Dawkins is the new head basketball coach in Durham. Before any of you pogo hopping zealots chime in, lets first take a look at the Coach K dysfunctional coaching tree. Why don’t we start out in Missouri where a guy named Quin Snyder was run out of town for murdering an innocent and respectable program. Snyder didn’t just lose – he brought in a kid - Ricky Clemons - who slept with the chancellor’s wife. Moving on, we have Mike Brey up at Notre Dame who has quietly put together a three-year tourney drought in South Bend. What’s his excuse – the admission standards are too tough? Sorry Mike – Torrin Francis is on your watch. Not convinced? How bout Dave Henderson, the sixth man on Duke’s first NCAA Final Four team under K. He coaches at Delaware, where his Blue Hens were a blistering 9-21 this year. Things are only a bit better down at VCU where Duke grad Jeff Capel guided the Rams to a respectable sixth place showing in the Colonial Conference. With a coaching tree like this, Devil fans have to be just a bit concerned about the prospect that JD, or someone else from within the family, will someday be given the keys to the Cameron Caddy.

Caught a good kid’s flick yesterday called Miracle Dogs. It’s a fine tribute to the Springer Spaniel, a fine breed that has moved into my top-8 over the past year. Top-4 remain the Berner, the Newf, the Pyr and the 15-inch beagle but the Spaniel is right there nipping at the beagle. Also caught Open Water on Showtime the other night. It was better in the theatre, but I strongly recommend it. Made for just 50K, OW contains good suspense and a totally gratuitous full-frontal female nude shot. Some of the dialogue is a bit contrived, but it is well acted and the female lead (Blanchard Ryan) is a top-shelf cougar. By the way – her dad once ran the Flyers. And speaking of pucks, Slap Shot has been getting a run on Showtime this month. Not only is SS one of the most under-appreciated sports films of all-time, but it never got its due against the big comedies of the late 70’s. It might fall a bit short of Animal House and The Jerk, but I’ll take it over Stripes any day of the week.

The Holic wants to know who is the gal that sits next to Tyler Hansborugh’s father at every UNC game? Two questions: 1) Is she Tyler’s mom, girlfriend or sister; and, 2) Are those bombs real? If she is indeed his mom, the guys at MILF Hunter.com need to check on her availability. The bet here is there probably isn’t a guy on the UNC team that hasn’t had impure thoughts about Tyler’s whatever. Come to think of it, there probably isn’t a gal on UNC’s top-ranked women’s team that hasn’t either.

Next year, BC coach Al Skinner must recruit some kid named Hall because there is no way Forward John Oates should be allowed to graduate without some kind of band reunion. Speaking of names, my nickname for Georgetown forward Jeff Greene is The Agent. Not too obscure a reference so only a single point for the correct answer.

Speaking of nicknames – I am ascribing Go-Go to my boy Ryan Gomes up in Boston. The original Go-Go, was of course Ricky Gomez, the 8th man on Carver High’s White Shadow team, but Gomes is on a tear and nickname fits. In case you haven’t been watching, and it’s a fair assumption none of you have, Gomes has had a terrific month for the suddenly virile Celts. He had a double- double last night and for the month, he’s averaging 17 points and just under 8 boards per game. At this point, Go-Go is definitely the round two rookie of the year, although he looks like a long-shot to make the league’s all-rookie team unless his numbers accelerate from here.

I guess the World Baseball Classic is no big thing because if it were - there is no way Gayrod would have come through with yesterday’s big game winning hit. Count me among the small group who actually likes the WBC. I don’t really buy the injury thesis, the games have some juice, and I like running counter to the America-centric lemmings like Georgie S. I want the WBC to succeed but here is my Catch-22. If someone gets hurt, the naysayers will go crazy and, as a result, the WBC concept will be weakened. But, if some pitcher blows out his arm, it could serve as the catalyst Boston needs to shed Matt Clement. Call it Clement-22.

Has the statute of limitations on speaking ill of Kirby Puckett expired yet? Pucks was a hit machine on and off the field and because of the latter, he deserves little post-mortem reverence. Cheating on your wife is one thing – going Jack Nicholson and pursuing her with a chainsaw is another. Kudos to ESPN’s Colin Cowherd for slamming KP on a day when every baseball pundit in this country was suffering from either cowardice or selective amnesia.

Breaking news - John Cheney is poised to announce his retirement this morning. Its about time this nutjob hung them up. Prediction - today's eulogies (he didn't die -just retiring) will surely stress that Cheney was a great guy who did a ton for his kids. Save it - the guy was an insufferable clown. I've been short Cheney for years and don't see a reason to cover this morning. I'll have more on this later.

How can a year go by without the Washington Redskins going out and over-paying for a free agent wide receiver? Message to Dan Snyder – just because Antwan Randel El threw a TD pass in the Super Bowl doesn’t mean you have to pay him like a quarterback. $11.5 million guaranteed for the Arab Hoosier (Same as Edgerrin James got)? Are you serious? That isn’t a far cry from what Mushin Muhammad got last year and he was coming off a first team All-Pro year. This is the second year in a row where Washington chased a wide receiver off a Super Bowl champ – last year it was David Patten who got the big coin and he thanked Six Flags Snyder by producing twenty-two grabs in an injury-shortened season.

Well, I guess when you haven’t had a thousand yard rusher since Adrian Murrell in 1998; you should probably grab an elite back when he becomes available. That is just what the Arizona Cardinals did this weekend when they inked The Edge to a four-year deal. With two big receivers and James, it seems like Denny Green is trying to re-assemble the Colts out in the Desert. All they need now is to dump Warner and find a QB who truly wilts in big spots. How bout Gayrod?

The guys behind the Sopranos have some set of balls to make us wait two years for that crap. In the history of television, has anyone been less credible doing the “I’ve been shot and need 911” scene? On the bright side, I did like Christopher’s joke on how ironic it was that Lou Gehrig died from Lou Gehrig’s disease. An oldie, but certainly a goodie.