Just some thoughts on the rape of Bill Belichick

So the Holic got tangled up in a little cyber-dispute on this Bill Belichick issue and what lies below is my response to a Jet fan who was outraged by the whole turn of events, including the "slap on the wrist" that BB received as punishment.

So let me get this straight . . . . An appropriate penalty would be a $500,000 fine, the loss of three draft picks, AND a suspension that will conveniently coincide with the Pats-Jets rematch? Is that it? Why stop there? Why not just bar the Pats from drafting anyone next year? While you’re at it, why not give the Niners their pick back? And why stop there? Why not ask the union for the right to rescind $20 million of New England’s spending authority? Come to think of it, why don’t we just break up the team and hold a dispersion draft? Each non-playoff team gets a player off the roster (20) and the balance of the 53 man team moves out to LA and become the expansion California.Bulls. Meanwhile, how bout we bar Bill Belichick from football and put his skills to work at Central Intelligence?

Folks, the Pats broke a rule. Was it stupid – yes. Was it criminal – hardly. So how come we are hearing alarmists try to elevate this misdemeanor into a capital case? Let’s be honest folks – it’s hard to identify a single aggrieved party and no one has been able to articulate whether the information at hand has any utility whatsoever. But the Pats cheated! They had our plays! They could adjust to our blitzes, our rolls and our stunts! How can you fail when you know your opponents defense? FOR GODS SAKE - THEY CHEATED! THEY CHEATED! THEY ARE A BUNCH OF CHEATERS! Easy folks. Take a deep breathe and exhale. Can we now proceed in a civil fashion?

Let’s start at the beginning. The Pats are accused of filming the opposing team as they send in their defensive signals. OK, the Pats broke the letter of the law. But what benefit did they really acquire as a result of their transgression? Was it diamonds or dog shit? I can’t be certain it was dog shit but it certainly wasn’t a diamond.

In essence, all they got out of this heist was information that can be acquired through other legal means. For instance, there is no ban on having a couple of staffers manually chart the signals of the other team. You have one guy with binoculars keying the signals to a stenographer and voila – you have a complete accounting of the other team’s signals and that can then be overlayed with the game film. In other words, you have created a work product that largely mirrors what you get from filming the other sideline. So is filming really tipping the competitive balance? HARDLY. Simply put, it’s not a crime for advance scouts to chart plays and signals. Moreover, it’s not a crime to do that in-game, so long as it is done by eye and hand. So the Pats cut a corner. So they cut back on overhead and obtained a work product without having to hire a stenographer. Big deal. So the Pats are cheap – is that a crime? Well, I guess it is under league rules but does this transgression really warrant severe sanctions? And yes, losing a number one draft pick is a pretty severe sanction.

So on to point two – what is the utility of the information at hand? The alarmists will tell you that the information has great value and can upend the competitive landscape. I’m not so sure about this claim. For arguments sake, let’s assume you figure out a way, without the other team’s knowledge, to crack the signaling system. The offense has a very small window to call the play from the sideline. After this window closes, the radios are silenced. So an offensive coordinator/play caller doesn't really have any time to crack the signal and then adjust accordingly. At the very best, he is getting his play called while the opposing team is signaling in its defense. So the plays are now called with no advantage to either side. From that point, the only way to take advantage of the "cracked" signal is for Brady to have been watching the defensive sideline and to have seen the signal himself. At that point, I guess he could audible at the line but I don't see this as being too feasible since all of this happens very quickly. Moreover, I have never missed a single Brady game and I can’t recall a time where I saw him simultaneously calling a play in the huddle and looking over to the other sideline to steal a sign. Don’t you think that would like a bit suspicious? So suspicious in fact that I can’t recall ever seeing it.

Point three – if the whole league is supposedly in on the Pats secret, how can it possibly be worth anything? Listen, if the whole league has known about this practice, then don’t you think various teams would have taken measures to limit its effectiveness? I mean, if you know the other team is trying to break your code, don’t you adjust and come up with new signals? And not just new signals, but signals that purposefully confuse your enemy? Of course you do and that is why all this “woe is me” talk is complete nonsense. Listen, this is hardly the U.S. Naval intelligence service breaking the Japanese code and using it to lie in wait for the Imperial Navy at Midway. In that case, the Japanese had no idea what we were doing and they headed straight for a trap. In this case, the other team is fully aware of the practice so who is trapping whom? In fact, because the cat is out of the bag, if almost defies logic that the Pats would put much stock in their conclusions. Morale to the story . . . . This was a victimless crime that has been hijacked by those who are either tired of being waxed by the Pats, harbor some personal animus towards.BB or just want to minimize the team’s past accomplishments. Despite what you might hear from Gary Meyers or Hines Ward, or Tony Dungy or Brian Dawkins, this was not murder. This was not rape. This was not dog fighting. This was not armed robbery or child abuse, or even trafficking narcotics. No, this was a few unpaid parking tickets or perhaps a petty case of tax evasion. That’s it – nothing more and nothing less. Pay the fine at window J . . . Next!

Last points – (the first four are rebuttals my attacker's email. In that full frontal, he suggested that the Pats had been damaged in many ways . . . )

"Destroyed the credibility of the Patriots "ideal" organization." That was always a myth and certianly nothing that the Holic cared about.

"Destroyed the credibility of Belichick as a genius " Genius? Steven Hawking is a genius. Chris Rock is a genius. Charlie Kauffman, Mark Knopfler and Christopher Guest might all be geniuses. Bill Belichick is a fucking football coach! A good one at that but a genius? Save the hyperbole.

"Created major doubts about the legitimacy of their Super Bowl dynasty." Perhaps amongst the uninformed but who cares what they think. And if you want to challenge that legitimacy, try citing the tuck reversal or the Drew Bennet drop, or Ty Law raping Marvin or the fact that Donovan couldn't hold his lunch down. You have to do better then a rogue film student to bring down this dynasty.

"Potential hasten the exit of Belichick as HC of NEP" The only people in New England who have as much long-term job security as BB are Ted Kennedy and the guys working on the big dig. BB could go anti-semetic on Bob Kraft next week during the Yom Kippur and still coach the Buffalo game on Sunday.

Those who minimize the importance of losing a number one pick just because the Pats own another such pick should have their heads examined. That logic is laughable. Case in point, the last player picked in last year’s first round was Anthony Gonzalez (Ohio State). You don’t think an NFL team would rather have AG than the 53rd player on their roster? The Pats have gotten tremendous returns from their number ones since Robert Edwards in 1998 – Seymour, Warren, Wilfork, Maroney – you don’t think losing the opportunity to add to this fraternity is significant?

Mangidiot, if he was responsible for tipping off security, really sunk to new lows when he showed up for the post-game handshake. How can someone have the balls to shake someone’s hand ninety minutes after he ratted them out? That is a bit like Henry Hill walking over to Jimmy in the courtroom and shaking his hand moments after he testified against Jimmy. Cmon Mangidiot, if you are going to screw someone, you might as well do away with the after-sex kiss.

To those who ask – why did he BB do it? Why would he do something so stupid? Well, here is a theory of mine. It’s a bit out of leftfield but what if BB wanted to get caught? What if he thought this could be used to motivate his troops? After all, now the army is pissed! Now the army has something to prove! Now the army is massing to invade Poland! Hell hath no fury like a scorned Patriot. (I don’t really subscribe to this theory but it wouldn’t shock me – after all, this is a guy who really wants that fourth ring and will do anything to get it, including making a deal with the devil himself, Randy Moss. And if he gets that fourth ring, all of this will be forgotten.)