June 13 - Sharapova versus Kournakova

This week’s cover of ESPN Magazine is graced by none other then the super-hot Maria Sharapova and it got me thinking whether there are any people out there who still harbor the belief that Anna Kournakova is comparable to Ms. Sharapova in the looks department. It boggles my mind that there are people, like my roommate, who think this is anything less then a twelve length win for Sharapova. And I am not talking about Tennis skills here. We can all agree that Anna doesn’t belong on the same court as the defending Wimbledon champ. That is a fact - not opinion. But even in the looks department, this is a 6-3, 6-0 win for Sharapova. After all, Ms Sharapova is basically Ruffian, who for those of you who don’t get the reference was the greatest filly of all time. She is an absolute monster in the looks department, standing six feet tall with a face that could launch a thousand ships. Kournakova, on the other hand, is a late night Chili Cheese burger and a commitment to do anal away from starring in Vivid’s upcoming trilogy TenAss, Flushing Julie Meadows and Jenna’s Grand Slam. If Sharapova is indeed Ruffian, Kournakova is a four year filly who still hasn’t broken her maiden and is still running claiming races at third tier tracks like Pimlico or Bay Meadows. I, for one, could never understand how Kournakova won ESPN’s first "hottest female athlete" contest a few years back. Who was voting for this bubble face? I guess the same people who made Cindy Margolis the most downloaded women on the internet, a claim that I was always viewed with suspicion. Kournakova is attractive, but I have long felt her looks were way over-appreciated and a bit over-marketed by a tour that didn’t have much else to promote. There was Hingis, but she was more like a 7.5 than a 10 and the Williams sisters. That isn’t exactly a stocked cupboard. And so what if Anna nailed Sergei Federov - that isn’t exactly nailing Orr, Gretzky or Lemeiux. You think Sharapova would ever dare sleep with a one-dimensional scorer who is a borderline hall of famer? Think again. The bet here is Sharapova could bag a serious whale and I am not talking about the Manu Ginobli’s and Carl Pavanos of the world. No, I am talking stratosphere here. How does Maria Brady sound? Probably not so great to Bridget Moynihan who is Brady's Fiance.

I have been off for a while, but I did want to point out something that struck me over the break. Women’s Softball is becoming a big sport in this country and I believe its growth is due largely to the fact that there are finally some good looking gals playing the game. I actually noticed this about six weeks ago when I tuned in to an Iowa State game and saw a number of lean mean fighting Cyclones going yard and smothering grounders. This surprised me since softball has traditionally been viewed as the property of butchy looking lesbians. But things have definitely changed in recent years. First, Jenny Finch burst on the scene and now there are a handful of girls on each college team that are attractive. This is painful to concede but I actually watched three or four games during the recent College World Series fairly closely, although I must admit that UCLA made the finals so this had something to do with my interest. But putting UCLA’s participation aside, the games are actually bearable to watch. There isn’t a ton of strategy but virtually all the games are tight and some of the gals are hot. If you don’t believe me, go to the UCLA Athletic Department website and check out Lisa Dodd, the Bruins first baseman. I’ll take her over Kournakova any day of the week. I am not saying softball is going to become a staple for me, but I’ll take it over the WNBA any day of the week. By the way, UCLA lost the best of three finals to Michigan but with a ton of gals coming back, including a stud freshman pitcher who goes by the name Jelly, the Bruins should be favored to win their third championship in four years next June. Hey, the Bruins may be terrible in Football and a bit better then average at hoops, but they sure can play volleyball, softball, tennis and water polo.

National League Notes: The National League East is shaping up to be a real dogfight this year but it is looking more and more like the Braves will not be a part of it. The Bravos, with Chipper out a month and a bullpen in shambles, are suffocating on their own vomit. I am not sure he has many other alternatives, but how long is he going to stick with Rafael Furcal leading off? Those 23 steals are not enough to offset that .222 average. While the Bravos are falling apart, the Nationals continue to surge forward as they notched their tenth straight yesterday. The Nationals bullpen continues to flourish with Gary Majewski, Luis Ayala and Chad Cordero, but is manager Frank Robinson burning this trio out? The problem with the Nationals is they don’t score a ton of runs and so they play a lot of close games that require multi-inning bullpen stints. GM Jim Bowden better find this trio some help or there will be some brownouts in the beltway come August. I know Tomo Ohka had to go after he showed up Robinson, but was Junior Spivey fair compensation? That is like trading a 2003 Honda Accord for a 2001 Neon. The Mets had a great moment Saturday night with Cliff Floyd’s walkoff but they couldn’t follow it up on Sunday with Pedro. The end result was a very mediocre 12 game home-stand where the Mets finished 6-6. They now go on a 12 game trip where 6-6 is probably a realistic goal, especially since Pedro will only get two starts, one probably coming at Yankee Stadium on the 24th. We are still in the first inning on Carlos Beltran’s seven year deal, but things are going a bit below plan. He currently projects out to a 18 bomb and 75 RBI year which is in a neighborhood that usually nets contracts worth $10 million over three years (not 7/115). The one stolen base and the forty-one Ks are not exactly selling points either. If the Mets are going to stay in this thing, they need Beltran to be something a little better then Troy O’Leary. How about this run: since May 24th, the Phillies are 15-2. If Bobby Abreu is the most underappreciated player in baseball, Chase Utley my be second. The former Bruin hit his tenth bomb yesterday and his numbers should only improve now that his understudy has been exiled to Motown. Florida remains locked in the race to win the NL’s biggest underachiever award as they are now only 5-13 over their past 18. The fish simply struggle to score runs and that bullpen is a long way from blue chip. It may be a bit premature, but I am thinking about dropping the new Pope and taking fish manager Jack McKeown in my 2005 dead pool.


NL Central: The Cardinals had an A minus week, punking both the Red Sox and the Yankees in front of more then 300K patrons at Busch. Yankee announcer Mike Kay had a horrible Sunday as he twice mentioned the Yankee series was the most heavily attended in Busch history. That is simply factually incorrect and Kay was once again exposed as nothing more then a Yankee organizational mouthpiece. Card Mark Morris didn’t get the win yesterday, but he remains 7-0 and the Cards big four of Carpenter, Morris, Marquis and Mulder is now 30-11. The Pirates spent exactly one day at .550 before they fell back with a loss on Sunday against Tampa. The Pirates now begin a brutal stretch where they will play 16 of 19 on the road, the next six of which come at New York and Boston. I continue to believe that the Pirates had the best trade of the off-season when they dumped Jason Kendall for Mark Redman. The Red Man has kept the ball in the ball park and sports an ERA under three. This team may have the arms to compete in 2006 but GM Dave Littlefield has to go out and get a big bat for this lineup. Waiting for Craig Wilson to return is not the answer and Jason Bay needs help. The Brewers had a miserable weekend and its just about time for Milwaukee to start turning its attention toward 2006. Getting Ohka is a nice pickup, especially since it clears the way for phenom Richie Weeks to play everyday. Lyle Overbay is mired in a terrible slump and that will certainly cost the Brewers when they look to swap him out next month. Of course with Prince Fielder stinking it up down in Nashville, are the Brewers still resigned to dealing Overbay? Unless the Sox or Mets come calling with a good young arm, I would keep Overbay as insurance in case Fielder doesn’t pan out. The Cubs had a nice weekend winning two of three from the Sox, but they now face Florida’s big three in a series that begins tonight. I am still not a buyer of the Cubs. Prior’s return will help but who cares whether Kerry Wood is back throwing again?

Out West, Hee Sop Choi had some weekend. The Korean took twelve swings this weekend and six of them left the yard. That has happened exactly one other time in the history of three game sets. Post weekend, Choi now has a decent set of numbers but that shouldn’t mask the fact that Choi is a scrub. This is a pretty amazing stat - Choi increased his slugging percentage by one hundred and twenty points in just three games. Los Madres suddenly look ordinary again after dropping two of three to the palehouse at the Pet Store. The Pads have a nice team but Kevin Towers needs to go out and get another bat for this team to mount a serious threat to the Cardinals. Mark Loretta’s return will certainly help but I am not sure they can go much further with the Sean Burroughs experiment. The Giants are now certifiably cooked and GM Brian Sabena must now decide whether he can or should keep this team together for one last run with Bonds in 2006.Such thought is a pipe dream. This team should be broken apart right now and that includes dealing Jason Schmidt even though it means dealing him at his lows. Hell, the Giants aren’t going to pick up his option next near so why not deal him while you can get something - anything - in return? Unless Schmidt can somehow come up with a couple quality starts, he won’t fetch much.

The Baltimore Orioles wrapped up a thirteen game road trip by inexplicably losing a series at Pittsburgh and then losing a series at Cincy this weekend. I am convinced that the David Ortiz walk off home run to end game four of the trip robbed this team of some much needed and deserved momentum. They now have Houston and Colorado coming to town and that should be good for a five win week. The Sox wrapped up a miserable trip by scrapping together a win at Wrigley. The Sox pitching right now is more famine then feast. They got two great starts on this trip, but in the other four games, Boston starters were absolutely torched. They desperately need Mr. Schilling back and Mr. Arroyo to rediscover some bite on his breaking balls. The Sox finally get a respite in the schedule after a brutal stretch - lets see what they can do with the reprieve? Mark Bullhorn struck out six times this weekend at Wrigley and now has 71 on the year in only 230 plate appearances. How long does Dustin Padroia have to tear up the Eastern league before the Sox call him up and send Bellhorn packing? The Yanks wrapped up a pathetic trip by losing two of three at Busch. In case you need reminding, the Yanks went 3-9 on this trip and have now lost their last five series. Everyone loves to talk about how this staff has struggled, but the offense is the real culprit. What have Yankee fans seen in Robinson Cano that I have missed? When you listen to New York radio, you would think a young Robbie Alomar was playing second for the pinstripes. Sorry guys, Cano has some decent pop (12 doubles) but this is not the future of the franchise. I loved the comments out of Lou Penally this weekend where he took Devil Ray ownership to task for not spending enough money to put a decent team on the field. I actually agree with Sweet Lou on this one. MLB should send an edict down to Tampa - spend more money or sell the team. There is now talk the Devil Rays may trade Aubrey Huff to Atlanta. What kind of signal does that send to the seventeen thousand fans in West Florida? If MLB wanted to generate some good will with the players association, in the next C.B.A., they would agree to a minimum spending provision so teams like Tampa were forced to spend some more money. After all - some colleges in Florida spend more money on their football programs then Tampa does on its baseball team.

For those of you thinking the White Sox are going to return to earth - forget it. If they play .500 on the way in, they will win 92 games. In the AL Central, that is a certainty and 55-45 is much more likely. This team will be in the playoffs. I think the Twins stand a good chance as well. They just sleepwalked through an ordinary stretch but they did it without a bunch of regulars. With Mourneau and Mauer back, this team is fully armed and ready to step it up a notch. The only reason I care about the Tigers is I know a guy who has a bet where he wins five grand for every loss above 81. That bet is looking a bit better after the Tigers lost six of their last eight. The bet here is the White Sox and Twins will have locked up playoff spots and will roll over to the Tigers during the final week of the season. The end result - the Tigers will finish 80-82 and my boy will take home only five grand. Its probably too late for the Tribe to get back in this thing, but they have climbed over .500 after winning six of seven. They have a 12 game homestead coming up that includes both Cincy and Colorado, meaning something along the lines of 8-4 or 9-3 is possible. If the Indians do in fact keep their head above water, it could keep lefty Art Rhodes off the trade block. Rhodes was a disaster in Oakland, but he has been real tough for the Tribe this year (3 BB in 25 innings) and what contender couldn’t use a solid lefty? The Red Sox, Mets, Marlins and possibly the Nationals would all kill for Rhodes right now. Kill may be too strong a word, but you get the point.

Out West. Texas scrapped together a needed win on Sunday after losing eight of ten, and two of those wins came against Kansas City. During the stretch, the club threw in the towel on Ryan Drese who now finds himself in Washington. You think Frank Robinson is going to put up with any of his shit? Drese has been getting drilled all year, but perhaps his sinker will have a better time in the NL. Don’t count on it. The Rangers sure could use some more production out of Hank Ballock who is on pace to drive in less then 100 runs but strike out 150 times. This team has a scary offense at times, but there are a lot of K’s in that lineup and too many guys who have trouble with breaking balls. Meanwhile, the Angles got Vlad back and I have the sense they are ready to roll. They didn’t play great on this road trip, but having Vlad in there makes all the difference in the world. Coming back from a 3-0 deficit to Pedro on Sunday was huge for this club, especially after handing one over to the Mets on Saturday night. Here is a peculiar stat - Chone Figgins is a switch hitter but he hits only .118 right handed. Such a stat begs the question of why he doesn’t hit left handed all the time. Are you telling me he can’t hit .118 as a lefty against southpaws? By the way, his real name is Desmond and he will be referred to as Desmond in this space from here on out. Don’t look now, but Eric Chavez has fought his way back to respectability. Sure, he is only hitting .250 with ten bombs, but that is a far cry from where he was three weeks ago. Jim Thome would kill for Eric’s numbers. Just when I thought Seattle was going to get it going, they go in Washington and get swept by the surging NATS. I found the following in a News of the Weird column: Ichiro is now hitting just .295. I always knew that guy was on steroids.