Thursday, June 16, 2005

June 16 - The USGA's War On Par

The United State Golf Association likes to think its Open Championship is the toughest golf tournament in the world, and as such, they go to great lengths to make sure that just a handful of players complete the tourney with scores in the red. To accomplish its goal, the USGA tricks up its open courses by adding yardage, growing cabbage and drying out the greens. The result is usually a pretty damn tough track. However, these tricks alone are usually not enough to defend a score of par so the USGA now resorts to a little mathematical sleight of hand. Rather then just admitting that par cannot be defended, the USGA simply changes the definition of par by turning its par fives into impossibly long par fours and lowering par from say 72 or 71 to 70. Who do they think they are fooling? By re-numbering the course, the USGA is simply engaging in a war of semantics that is pretty transparent to any true golf fan. Nonetheless, come Monday, the USGA will prevail when the winner comes in at three under and a variety of USGA enablers in the media will concede the course triumphed over the talent. In many instances, this is just not the case. I say this because if a player shoots three under on a par 70 course that is usually played at par 71, he has really shot seven under.

This prospect terrifies the USGA and golf pundits who could not fathom holding an Open that was apparently benign. Last week’s tourney at Congressional puts this argument into specific relief. When the US Open was played there in 1997, it was played as a par 70. Last week, it was played as it usually is as a Par 71. The USGA may have been proud that 1997 winner Ernie Ells was only four under, but they were deluding themselves His 276 was really eight under the figure that usually separates the red from the black at Congressional. The question I have for the USGA is what they will do when people start banging around their par 70 courses. Will they respond by taking out a par five and start saying their courses are par 69? What about turning a short par four into an impossibly long 282 yard par 3. You will never see Hootie and the boys down in Georgia do such things. They are perfectly content with their par 72 track.

The point here is that the USGA does the right thing when it makes its courses challenging. And its courses are challenging regardless of whether the winner is three under on an par 70 or seven under on a par 71. I have no problem with adding some yardage and speeding the greens. My problem lies in the USGA’s myopic focus on defending par and their reliance on "new" math to accomplish their goals. They are fooling no one - other then those in the media who love leads that are punctuated with references to the course. The problem is such leads don’t read as well when the winner comes in at seven under par.

For those of you Yankee fans who wonder why there is such antipathy towards your team, I would advise you to take a look at yesterday’s press conference where the club’s brass announced its plans to build a new stadium. The public hasn’t seen that same amount of arrogance and self-congratulatory back slapping since Hitler and his club compelled the French to surrender in 1940. What a bunch of crap. First of all, this formality took seventy-five minutes to conclude and featured a half dozen speakers. This should have been ten minutes of President Randy Levine, five minutes of Mayor Bloomberg and ten minutes of questions. All in, this thing should have been wrapped in thirty minutes, forty tops. But such a time-line was impossible since it would not have enabled the Yankees to hammer home the theme that this stadium was being financed entirely with private monies. Well, at least for the stadium itself and not the accompanying infrastructure improvements. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that those speaking on behalf of the club itself have a particularly hard time saying the word "private" without stuttering. The emphasis on this private financing theme is entirely transparent. By highlighting the financing plan, the Club is overtly claiming a moral superiority over all those teams (everyone but St. Louis) that sought and received public financing. Hell, I applaud the Yankees for building this "cathedral" (their words - not mine), but enough with this high-handedness. Listen, I am sure some other clubs would love to build new stadiums with their own money, but most don’t have that luxury since they are already burdened with significant debt loads. Further, they don’t have enormous corporate sponsors who are ready to make upfront commitments that help soften the blow. The Yankess don’t have this problem since George bought the team in 1973 for a mere $10 million and companies like Verizon and Chase are ready to cough up big sums for advertising rights. You think George would be doing this without public money if he had to finance $300 million in existing debt, didn’t have Verizon’s check in his pocket and wasn’t allowed to deduct some construction costs from his future luxury tax bill? You are a crack smoker if you answered that in the affirmative. This whole pow wow was just nauseating but it was all the stuff us Yankee haters have come to detest. The basic message was: "we have money and that makes us better then you." Yesterday’s flagrant waving of the checkbook is nothing new but that doesn’t make it digestible. Oh, and I almost forgot this comment from Mr. Bloomberg: "to many around the world, the Yankees are America."

It was walkoff city yesterday as a host of games ended with a final climatic swing. It started in the Bronx where Giambolic deposited a Jose Mesa fastball in the upper deck to conclude a 7-5 comeback victory. Last night was just the first time all year the Yanks had come back after trailing after eight and it only happened because an umpire absolutely butchered a call that would have ended the game in the ninth. Its funny how that call didn’t get much attention in today’s New York tabloids. Regardless, this was a huge win for the Yanks who were on the verge of having their meager momentum stopped once again. The second walkoff happened out in Cleveland where Aaron Boone parked one in the 11th against Colorado after the Tribe rallied to tie it in the ninth. Aaron Boone should change his number to 11 and if you don’t get that reference, you should probably stop reading. By the way, after losing last night, the Rockies are just 4-25 away from Coors. The last group to play this bad on the road was the Army of the Confederacy (0-2, with a loss at Antietam and a loss up in Central Pennsylvania). The last game to end on a final swing occurred out in Oakland where Marcus Scuttaro sunk the Mets with a big two-out hit in the ninth off Roberto Hernandez. This was a bad loss for the Mets who are now 0-2 on an important twelve game roadtrip. The Mets have now fallen below .500 and you just get the feeling ths team is sinking fast. Their pitching isn’t bad, but that offense is struggling mightily. Carlos Beltran is just one for his last nineteen and some fans are now grousing that the Mets should have signed Delgado instead. Mets GM Omar Minaya can no longer sit by and wait for Minky to turn it around at first. He needs a run producer there and he needs it by the end of June.

In Boston last night, the Sox got a nice outing from Bronson Arroyo who found some bite on his breaking balls, but any optimism has to be a bit guarded considering the team he shut down was the pitiful Reds. The Sox swept the Reds by a combined score of 23-4 and it could have been worse. I realize the Reds weren’t playing with a full deck last night, but do they have to swing at everything that comes down the pike? And for any of you who think Reds right fielder Willie Mo Pena has any trade value outside of fantasy - think again. HE STINKS! Other then Ryan Freel and perhaps Sean Casey or Aaron Harang, I am not sure I wold take anyone on Cincy’s roster. While the Red Sox were beating up on one NL doormat, the Orioles were doing the same down in Camden where Baltimore swept the Astros right out of town. The birds now draw Colorado for three and that very likely means another sweep and probably a four game lead when we open play next Monday. Can someone explain to me how Blue Jay Ted Lilly can shut down St. Louis and Boston while getting torched by Houston and Oakland? All Lilly did last night was blank the Cards over seven. After watching the Cards get locked up by Lilly, David Wells and Randy Johnson over the last eight days, I am beginning wonder if they have some issue with lefties. Rolen’s return will obviously help in this department since he is clearly an upgrade over Scott Seabol and Abe Nunez.

In Detroit, the Cats ended Adam Eaton’s eight game winning streak as Mike Maroth pitched eight strong innings. So much for the theory that Los Madres can hit when they are not behind the counter at the Pet Store. The pads have now lost eight of ten and ten of thirteen. They should be putting away that division but instead are doing everything to allow Arizona and Los Angles stick around. With that said, I am not too sure L.A. has much staying power since it now looks like Eric Gagne is through for the season. The Dodgers have survived thus far without his services but his trip to the shelf is a big blow. Things have gotten a bit ugly for the Ddogers who lost their second straight in KC last night. To add insult to injury, former Dodger Jose Lima picked up the win for the Royales. Hee Sop went homerless for a Dodger offense that was only able to scratch out a single run off the lima bean. The Royales are now just a win away from sweeping both the Dodgers and Yankees this month. I call that a Bi-Coastal bitch slap. After losing last night in Tampa, Brewer hurler Victor Santos is 2-6 with an ERA of 2.87. If he pitched in St. Louis, he would be 6-2 and get an occasional mention on Baseball Tonight.

The White Sox staff continued to get roughed up last night but the offense came through with ten in the sixth and Jon Garland was able to secure his eleventh victory. Paul Konerko, much like Manny Ramirez, is starting to come alive for the palehose. I forgot to mention yesterday that Carl Everett has now stated for the record that he doesn't like homosexuals and is opposed to gay marriage. That is a real shocker, especially when one considers that Mr. Progressive doesn’t believe dinosaurs existed and is suspicious that Americans have ever walked on the moon. Would somebody please ask Carl how he feels about parents that beat their children. Tony Clark’s mystical season for Arizona continued last night with a three run bomb that gives him 11 in just 125 at bats. Manager Bob Melvin gets points in my book for resisting the urge to play Clark more. Clark is not an everyday player regardless of what the stats may suggest. There were no fireworks in Anaheim last night after the Nats and Angels squared off on Tuesday. Newcomer Ryan Drese blanked the Halos over eight and Chad Cordero came in to pick up the save. Bart Colon took the hard luck loss for Anaheim which couldn’t do a thing with Drese’s sinker. Interestingly, Frank Robinson did not come out and meet Angel manager Mike Sciosca before the game to exchange scorecards. I guess Frank really is pissed off over what happened on Tuesday night. Either that or he had already fallen asleep.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

June 15 - Open Predictions and Powell's 9.77

I am not going to spend a great deal of time previewing the US Open but here are some predictions: David Duval will not be playing on Saturday - NBC will have prepared a five minute montage memorializing Payne Stewart and his victory at the last Open played at Pinehurst - John Daly won't take an 11 this year like he did in 1999 but he will take an eight - A couple of Europeans will complain about the heat - The best Thursday/Friday grouping includes Scott, Cink and Mickelson - Jeff Maggert will sniff the lead on Sunday but will be stricken down by bad luck one again - Tiger will make a slight charge and as per usual we will see every shot he hits, but he will fade and finish 8th - Mickelson will play in one of the final three groups on Sunday - Johnny will mention his win at Oakmont at least three times on Sunday - The course will play a bit easier then in 1999, especially on Saturday, so I say 276 will win and 146 will make the cut - Someone at NBC will mention that Davis Love played his college golf just up the road - Here my top eight: 8) Woods 7) Cink 6) Garcia 5) Els 4) Maggert 3) Mickelson 2) Scott 1) THE GOOSE

Congratulations go out this morning to Asafa Powell who yesterday broke Tim Montgomery’s three year old world record in the 100 Meters. This is not only a great day for Powell, who now wears the title as the fastest man in history, but it is a great day for track and field. I say this because it cleanses the record book of a mark that is clearly tainted by the evils of performance enhancing drugs. Montgomery was clearly juiced when he ran his 9.78 in 2002. That is a fact. If you want to debate the issue, explain to me why he hasn’t been able to crack 10.2 since the drug doping regulators started watching him closely. In fact, he ran a 10.4 the other day, which is just a bit quicker then Flo Jo’s women’s world record. Such results don’t merely call his record into question. They expose it as a complete fraud. With that said, I believe it is a nice development that his mark is no longer the standard to measure others. Getting that mark off the books is analogous to what happened this summer in Athens when the U.S. Women’s 4 x 200 Freestyle Relay took out an East German World Record that was set before the wall came crumbling down. I applauded that performance last August just like I am applauding this performance today. These drug enhanced efforts have no business residing in our record books. They were achieved illegally and deserve no positive recognition. Thankfully, drug testing in amateur sports has improved and these tainted marks are being gradually weaned from the record books. This whole rant is of course predicated on the assumption that Asafa’s piss will clear waivers.

Staying with Powell - it seems we have the makings of a great rivalry shaping up between the twenty-two year old Powell and American Justin Gaitlin, the gold medalist from last Summer’s Athens Olympics..These kids are young, super fast and should be battling each other all the way to Bejing. This may be Carl and Ben all over again. This may be Coe and Ovett all over again. This may be Mary and Zola all over again. Check that - Mary and Zola was a fraud. Nonetheless, we now have a good old rivalry, made all the sweeter by the fact that these two sprinters are not from the same country. I, for one, will be watching when these two hook up at this summer’s World Championships. If the Kentucky Derby is the most exciting two minutes in sports then this Summer’s WC 100 meters will certainly be the most exciting 9.7 or 9.8 seconds in sports.

Quick Hits - Shaq’s most recent comments on Kobe Bryant are some of the funniest offered in the history of sports. When asked about Kobe, Shaq said: "I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is" Priceless! Baylor killer Carlton Dotson got 35 years for killing his teammate. How come Dave Bliss didn’t get anything? John Madden is going to work for NBC. He has now worked for ABC, Fox, NBC and CBS. What is next, hosting a late night talk show on the WB? Bill Laimbeer is interviewing to coach the Knicks. Isn’t that a demotion from coaching the Detroit Shock of the WNBA? Jason Sobel of ESPN just wrote that Tom Lehman lost a playoff to Ernie at the 1997 US Open at Congressional. Is Jason pretending that Tom never cooked that seven iron on 17 which ended up costing him a place in a playoff?

Baseball Bytes: I am not sure there is a more surprising story this year then the emergence of Bruce Chen as a solid hurler for the Birds. Chen won his sixth game last night and is now just a victory short of matching his career high. Chen showed some of this last year - his first in Baltimore - but nobody chose to pay attention. Just in case you care, over the past two years, Chen’s OPS against is roughly 100 points lower then his career average. That is pretty startling when you consider that Chen throws half his games at the Inner Harbor Launching Pad. Is it just me of does it seem like Miggy has two knocks and couple of RBI every night. David Wells was simply awesome last night, spotting his pitches with sniper-like precision. He has actually pitched well of late, with four solid outings since he switched numbers from 3 to 16. Manny belted another long ball last night and that makes it three in three games. There has been much talk in Boston of Manny’s woes, but he is on pace to jack 35 and drive in 127. Here is a message for Reds GM Dan O’Brian - you can’t keep both Willy Mo and Adam Dunn. That is just too many whiffs for one lineup to absorb, especially one in the NL. The Stanks got a much needed win over the Bucs last night as Moose delivered a gem. That is the third good start in a row for the Yanks and you get the feel that they may be able to do some damage on this homestand. Such talk may be premature since the pinstripes have Downtown Kevin Brown tossing tonight. Did Hideki Matsushi actually go long last night? More importantly, did Giambolic actually get that ball to the warning track last night?

Chris Carpenter threw one of the six shutouts that were banged out last night. Jesus, you take away the juice and no one can hit anymore. Carpenter’s one hit gem lifted his record to 9-4 and was supported for four Cardinal long balls. While Carp was feeling it, Jake Peavy was only a bit better then ordinary. He did strike out ten, but five runs were scored on his watch. Jake’s internals are great but he has to start picking up some wins at some point. He currently projects out to just 12-5. The Tribe blasted Colorado phenom Jeff Francis who for some reason can keep guys in check at Coors but gets lit on the road. Francis is going to be the only guy ever who Colorado can’t trade because he can’t pitch outside the friendly confines of Coors Field. Tomo Ohka got run out of Washington by crotchety old Frank Robinson - so what does he do in his first start for the Brew Crew? Well, he goes out and throws a complete game shutout over Lou’s Losers. Ohka is having a career year as evidenced by the fact that his batting average against (BAA) right now is 50 points lower then his career average. With Jorge Cantu hitting third for the Devil Rays, how long will it be before we see Delmon Young called up? The Drays supposedly don’t want to prematurely trigger his MLB service clock, but at some point, they have to put their best cards on the table. Does anyone have worse luck then Devil Ray Rocco Baldelli? First he tears up his knee playing with some kid in the off-season. Now, while on the cusp of coming back, Rocco blew out his elbow and will need major surgery.

Its been a rough couple starts for former Cuban Yankees in Chicago. First, Jose Contreras gets lit up and last night El Duque puked up a lung against the Dbacks. I wouldn’t be surprised to see both these Cubans collapse over the next month. Here is a potential pitfall for the White Sox - What happens if Fidel Castro dies this summer and both their Cubans split for home? That Nats have some exposure to that as well. How can Scott Posednik be fast enough to steal 32 yet only amass nine doubles? Does Scott ever hit the ball out of the infield? Just hours after I pronounced Atlanta dead, they went out and spanked the Rangers. The Brave hurler last night was Jorge Sosa who somehow is 3-0 with a low ERA even though he gives up tons of hits and walks. This guy must lead the league in getting guys to ground into double plays, When the Rangers released Ryan Drese, how come they didn’t also cut their ties to Pedro Astacio? I loved the tiff that came up last night between Frank Robinson and Mike Sciossca. Robby may be able to intimidate some, but Mike isn’t one of them. I would actually like to see these two go at it on the undercard of the next Tyson fight.

Hee Sop Choi hit another friggin bomb last night. That makes it seven in four games. J.D. Drew is having a monster June for the Dodgers. The virgin is hitting over .400 and slugging over .800 this month and has quieted some of those who felt that Dodgers lost their mind when they gave this kid $55 million. When the Twins and Giants go extra innings, is there any doubt whose bullpen will prevail? Johan Santana actually walked a couple of guys last night on his way to a no decision. The Cubs, led by Derrick Lee, absolutely pounded the Fish, whose starter, Josh Beckett, continues to be average on the road. His ERA is 2.5 in Miami and over four on the road. If you want to know why the Fish are having trouble, look no further then the top of their lineup. The only guy in Florida who is having a worse year then Juan Pierre is that Florida State quarterback who was pepper sprayed and taken into custody this week after he claimed he was the son of god. By the way, who are we mortals to say that kid isn’t the Son of God? Just cause he can’t beat Florida or throw more TDs then pics doesn’t mean his dad isn’t the big guy. The Mets spit the bit last night as Joe Blanton completely shut them down. The pressure is starting to build on Carlos Beltran and for good reason. His excuses are getting old. Jon Lieber was a tough luck loser for the Phils who were also saddened to hear that Randy Wolf will be lost for the year. With Wolf shelved, the pressure is on Vincente Paadilla to get his act together. Eddie Guardado is having a real nice year for Seattle and it makes you wonder why the Ms don’t trade him before he inevitably starts complaining about having a tired arm.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

June 14 - Enough Larry, Enough Rasheed!

Enough is enough - I have had it with all this complaining that is coming from the Detroit Pistons bench and coach Larry Brown. It is unwatchable and it is just another reason why this is going to be the least watched NBA Finals since the games used to be shown on tape delay back in the early eighties. It is bad enough that the Pistons vigorously challenge every single call that goes against them but the latest effort is just too much. It seems the Pistons have come with empirical data that shows how successful they are with one set of referees and how poorly they do when other refs are involved. Save it Larry - this is basketball and not litigation. It is time for Brown and Rasheed to shut the fuck up and play basketball. Have you ever seen a championship team that is so obsessed with the quality of the officiating? This Pistons team has to be one of least emotionally sound I have ever come across. There is simply no mental toughness or accountability at work here. The Pistons aren’t a basketball team. They are a scorned and jilted chick. Enough already. The games are being called closely and the Pistons need to adapt. End of story.

What the hell was Philadelphia General Manager Ed Wade thinking when he agreed to give his shortstop - Jimmy Rollins - a five year contract extension that is worth $40 million. Granted, Rollins is still a kid, but this is a lead off guy who is hitting .260 with an OBP of just over .300. He has some pop and has cut down on his Ks, but $40 million? Jimmy should call up Colombians Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera and thank them mightily for driving the price tag for solid but unspectacular shortstops up to stratospheric levels When I see a guy like Rollins get 5/40, I begin to wonder what Johnny Damon, perhaps the best lead off hitter in baseball - is going to get next December. And do you think Wade would have handed out such largesse three weeks ago before the Phils went on a 16-6 run? Back then, Wade was probably praying for his job and not too concerned about mortgaging the club’s future on a kid who had a nice 2004 but has done little this year to back it up. And now that Rollins is signed, what is Wade going to do with Pat Burrell who is just a year away from free agency? He is having a monster year and Wade will have to fork over big bucks if he wants to keep his left fielder in Philly after 2006.

Baseball Bytes: The Orioles weren’t busted, they just needed a little home cooking and a date with the Astros to get well. Larry Bigbie returned for the birds last night and got three knocks while Sammy remained hot and Senn Penn picked up his first MLB win. Morgan Ensberg strikes out way too much for Houston, but he has quietly smacked 15 bombs and is slugging over .550. Everybody assumes he is a blue blood with that ridiculous name but Morgan is actually a SoCal beach kid. The D-Train now has eleven victories after he shut down Chicago last night and that puts him on pace to win 28, which would be the most since Denny McClain won 31 in 1968. Trivia - who has the highest win total since McClain put up those 31 on his way to federal prison? One thing to keep in mind about this Marlins team - they haven’t played well of late and they still have an entire three game set to make up in Colorado. Two of those games are now scheduled for an off day early in August. That will surely put some pressure on a staff that has already chalked up a lot of innings.

The Red Sox were handed several cheap runs last night and that was more then enough for Matt Clement to chalk up his seventh win. Manny’s jack last night was gift wrapped but it feels like he is finally starting to get hot. His round-tripper came on a night when they memorialized the leftfield pole at Fenway as Fisk Pole. WEAK MOVE! Eric Milton got shelled for the Reds last night and his ERA is now hovering just below 8. Milty is running away with this year’s race to be 2005's worst off-season signing. Dontrelle and Pedro have gotten most of the attention, but the best pitcher in the majors right now is Toronto’s Roy Halladay. It isn’t even close. He completely shut down St. Louis last night while picking up his tenth win. Big Roy has now given up just four earned runs over his last 39 innings. With the win, the Jays moved 1.5 games ahead of their rivals from New York. Why in the world did the Devil Rays release Alex Sanchez? The guy was hitting well over .300 and that suggests he must have been a real pain in the ass behind the scenes. Jorge Cantu had three knocks for the Rays last night and he is quietly having a pretty nice year but Jorge, would it be too much to ask for a few walks. He has three free passes in more then 200 at bats. Alfonso Soriano jacked two long balls off Tim Hudson last night as the Braves hurler was unable to make it out of the third. The Braves are now just a game over .500 and it certainly feels like this team is about ready to collapse. The Braves remind me a bit of the German Army after the Battle of the Bulge. They have lost all their veterans, all their fuel and all their armor. What is left is a bunch of inexperienced kids who have no idea what it was like to play for a winning team. Chris Young is now 6-3 for the Rangers and is certainly a candidate to make the all-star team. Wouldn’t that be something if two Ranger starters were selected? The odds on that pre-season would have been something like 40-1.

It took a while, but Jose Contreras finally showed White Sox fans what he is all about. He gave up eight runs and four bombs in six innings last night. Has anyone in baseball been more productive then Dback Tony Clark? This clown is hitting .359 with ten home runs in only 117 at bats. This was arguably the worst player in baseball a few years ago and this year he is slugging over .700. That Scientology stuff must work. All good things must come to an end and that is what happened to the Nationals ten game winning streak last night. Vlad had a huge game against the Nats and he is now 9-16 since coming off the DL. Just imagine what will happen when Che Guerrero gets his timing back.

Trivia Answer - Robert Lynn Welch won 27 for the 1990 Oakland Athletics.

WFAN’s Mike Francesca has been getting away with a particular line for the past couple weeks that begs to be challenged. The Fat Man has been insisting that if given the opportunity, it is a layup for a contender to pull the trigger and take Barry Zito off Oakland’s hands. His thesis - Zito is young, left handed and already has a Cy Young sitting on the shelf. With credentials like that, the obese one thinks it’s a slam dunk. What lard ass forgets or disregards is that since Barry’s Cy Young year of 2002, the southpaw is 28-30 with an ERA around 3.90. Lard Ass couldn’t care less about these facts or the fact that Zito hasn’t been able to get a lefty out in two years. In fact, not only does he not care about these facts, but he is openly hostile when anyone suggests Zito is less then the pitcher he was a few years back. His repetitive refrain on this subject is nobody in their right mind could pass on a 27 year old lefty with Barry’s record. I wonder if wide load was saying the same thing about Fernando back in 1986. After all, in 1986, Fernanado was only 27 and sported a Cy Young and a 99-68 record. And what happened to Valenzuela from there on out? Well, he finished 14-14 the next year and never won more then 13 games after that. Wide load suggests that you can’t go wrong with a kid who has Zito’s track record but Fernando offers compelling evidence that proves him wrong. This is just another case of a pundit refusing to admit that a phenom may have lost it. What Francesca and other pundits are loathe to do is accept that you are what you are, not what you were. Zito may be able to pull it together in a new city, but this is certainly an open ended question, even though Lard Ass would like his listeners to believe otherwise. Perhaps if Mike watched Barry throw more then a couple of games a year, he might tone down the rhetoric.

Monday, June 13, 2005

June 13 - Sharapova versus Kournakova

This week’s cover of ESPN Magazine is graced by none other then the super-hot Maria Sharapova and it got me thinking whether there are any people out there who still harbor the belief that Anna Kournakova is comparable to Ms. Sharapova in the looks department. It boggles my mind that there are people, like my roommate, who think this is anything less then a twelve length win for Sharapova. And I am not talking about Tennis skills here. We can all agree that Anna doesn’t belong on the same court as the defending Wimbledon champ. That is a fact - not opinion. But even in the looks department, this is a 6-3, 6-0 win for Sharapova. After all, Ms Sharapova is basically Ruffian, who for those of you who don’t get the reference was the greatest filly of all time. She is an absolute monster in the looks department, standing six feet tall with a face that could launch a thousand ships. Kournakova, on the other hand, is a late night Chili Cheese burger and a commitment to do anal away from starring in Vivid’s upcoming trilogy TenAss, Flushing Julie Meadows and Jenna’s Grand Slam. If Sharapova is indeed Ruffian, Kournakova is a four year filly who still hasn’t broken her maiden and is still running claiming races at third tier tracks like Pimlico or Bay Meadows. I, for one, could never understand how Kournakova won ESPN’s first "hottest female athlete" contest a few years back. Who was voting for this bubble face? I guess the same people who made Cindy Margolis the most downloaded women on the internet, a claim that I was always viewed with suspicion. Kournakova is attractive, but I have long felt her looks were way over-appreciated and a bit over-marketed by a tour that didn’t have much else to promote. There was Hingis, but she was more like a 7.5 than a 10 and the Williams sisters. That isn’t exactly a stocked cupboard. And so what if Anna nailed Sergei Federov - that isn’t exactly nailing Orr, Gretzky or Lemeiux. You think Sharapova would ever dare sleep with a one-dimensional scorer who is a borderline hall of famer? Think again. The bet here is Sharapova could bag a serious whale and I am not talking about the Manu Ginobli’s and Carl Pavanos of the world. No, I am talking stratosphere here. How does Maria Brady sound? Probably not so great to Bridget Moynihan who is Brady's Fiance.

I have been off for a while, but I did want to point out something that struck me over the break. Women’s Softball is becoming a big sport in this country and I believe its growth is due largely to the fact that there are finally some good looking gals playing the game. I actually noticed this about six weeks ago when I tuned in to an Iowa State game and saw a number of lean mean fighting Cyclones going yard and smothering grounders. This surprised me since softball has traditionally been viewed as the property of butchy looking lesbians. But things have definitely changed in recent years. First, Jenny Finch burst on the scene and now there are a handful of girls on each college team that are attractive. This is painful to concede but I actually watched three or four games during the recent College World Series fairly closely, although I must admit that UCLA made the finals so this had something to do with my interest. But putting UCLA’s participation aside, the games are actually bearable to watch. There isn’t a ton of strategy but virtually all the games are tight and some of the gals are hot. If you don’t believe me, go to the UCLA Athletic Department website and check out Lisa Dodd, the Bruins first baseman. I’ll take her over Kournakova any day of the week. I am not saying softball is going to become a staple for me, but I’ll take it over the WNBA any day of the week. By the way, UCLA lost the best of three finals to Michigan but with a ton of gals coming back, including a stud freshman pitcher who goes by the name Jelly, the Bruins should be favored to win their third championship in four years next June. Hey, the Bruins may be terrible in Football and a bit better then average at hoops, but they sure can play volleyball, softball, tennis and water polo.

National League Notes: The National League East is shaping up to be a real dogfight this year but it is looking more and more like the Braves will not be a part of it. The Bravos, with Chipper out a month and a bullpen in shambles, are suffocating on their own vomit. I am not sure he has many other alternatives, but how long is he going to stick with Rafael Furcal leading off? Those 23 steals are not enough to offset that .222 average. While the Bravos are falling apart, the Nationals continue to surge forward as they notched their tenth straight yesterday. The Nationals bullpen continues to flourish with Gary Majewski, Luis Ayala and Chad Cordero, but is manager Frank Robinson burning this trio out? The problem with the Nationals is they don’t score a ton of runs and so they play a lot of close games that require multi-inning bullpen stints. GM Jim Bowden better find this trio some help or there will be some brownouts in the beltway come August. I know Tomo Ohka had to go after he showed up Robinson, but was Junior Spivey fair compensation? That is like trading a 2003 Honda Accord for a 2001 Neon. The Mets had a great moment Saturday night with Cliff Floyd’s walkoff but they couldn’t follow it up on Sunday with Pedro. The end result was a very mediocre 12 game home-stand where the Mets finished 6-6. They now go on a 12 game trip where 6-6 is probably a realistic goal, especially since Pedro will only get two starts, one probably coming at Yankee Stadium on the 24th. We are still in the first inning on Carlos Beltran’s seven year deal, but things are going a bit below plan. He currently projects out to a 18 bomb and 75 RBI year which is in a neighborhood that usually nets contracts worth $10 million over three years (not 7/115). The one stolen base and the forty-one Ks are not exactly selling points either. If the Mets are going to stay in this thing, they need Beltran to be something a little better then Troy O’Leary. How about this run: since May 24th, the Phillies are 15-2. If Bobby Abreu is the most underappreciated player in baseball, Chase Utley my be second. The former Bruin hit his tenth bomb yesterday and his numbers should only improve now that his understudy has been exiled to Motown. Florida remains locked in the race to win the NL’s biggest underachiever award as they are now only 5-13 over their past 18. The fish simply struggle to score runs and that bullpen is a long way from blue chip. It may be a bit premature, but I am thinking about dropping the new Pope and taking fish manager Jack McKeown in my 2005 dead pool.


NL Central: The Cardinals had an A minus week, punking both the Red Sox and the Yankees in front of more then 300K patrons at Busch. Yankee announcer Mike Kay had a horrible Sunday as he twice mentioned the Yankee series was the most heavily attended in Busch history. That is simply factually incorrect and Kay was once again exposed as nothing more then a Yankee organizational mouthpiece. Card Mark Morris didn’t get the win yesterday, but he remains 7-0 and the Cards big four of Carpenter, Morris, Marquis and Mulder is now 30-11. The Pirates spent exactly one day at .550 before they fell back with a loss on Sunday against Tampa. The Pirates now begin a brutal stretch where they will play 16 of 19 on the road, the next six of which come at New York and Boston. I continue to believe that the Pirates had the best trade of the off-season when they dumped Jason Kendall for Mark Redman. The Red Man has kept the ball in the ball park and sports an ERA under three. This team may have the arms to compete in 2006 but GM Dave Littlefield has to go out and get a big bat for this lineup. Waiting for Craig Wilson to return is not the answer and Jason Bay needs help. The Brewers had a miserable weekend and its just about time for Milwaukee to start turning its attention toward 2006. Getting Ohka is a nice pickup, especially since it clears the way for phenom Richie Weeks to play everyday. Lyle Overbay is mired in a terrible slump and that will certainly cost the Brewers when they look to swap him out next month. Of course with Prince Fielder stinking it up down in Nashville, are the Brewers still resigned to dealing Overbay? Unless the Sox or Mets come calling with a good young arm, I would keep Overbay as insurance in case Fielder doesn’t pan out. The Cubs had a nice weekend winning two of three from the Sox, but they now face Florida’s big three in a series that begins tonight. I am still not a buyer of the Cubs. Prior’s return will help but who cares whether Kerry Wood is back throwing again?

Out West, Hee Sop Choi had some weekend. The Korean took twelve swings this weekend and six of them left the yard. That has happened exactly one other time in the history of three game sets. Post weekend, Choi now has a decent set of numbers but that shouldn’t mask the fact that Choi is a scrub. This is a pretty amazing stat - Choi increased his slugging percentage by one hundred and twenty points in just three games. Los Madres suddenly look ordinary again after dropping two of three to the palehouse at the Pet Store. The Pads have a nice team but Kevin Towers needs to go out and get another bat for this team to mount a serious threat to the Cardinals. Mark Loretta’s return will certainly help but I am not sure they can go much further with the Sean Burroughs experiment. The Giants are now certifiably cooked and GM Brian Sabena must now decide whether he can or should keep this team together for one last run with Bonds in 2006.Such thought is a pipe dream. This team should be broken apart right now and that includes dealing Jason Schmidt even though it means dealing him at his lows. Hell, the Giants aren’t going to pick up his option next near so why not deal him while you can get something - anything - in return? Unless Schmidt can somehow come up with a couple quality starts, he won’t fetch much.

The Baltimore Orioles wrapped up a thirteen game road trip by inexplicably losing a series at Pittsburgh and then losing a series at Cincy this weekend. I am convinced that the David Ortiz walk off home run to end game four of the trip robbed this team of some much needed and deserved momentum. They now have Houston and Colorado coming to town and that should be good for a five win week. The Sox wrapped up a miserable trip by scrapping together a win at Wrigley. The Sox pitching right now is more famine then feast. They got two great starts on this trip, but in the other four games, Boston starters were absolutely torched. They desperately need Mr. Schilling back and Mr. Arroyo to rediscover some bite on his breaking balls. The Sox finally get a respite in the schedule after a brutal stretch - lets see what they can do with the reprieve? Mark Bullhorn struck out six times this weekend at Wrigley and now has 71 on the year in only 230 plate appearances. How long does Dustin Padroia have to tear up the Eastern league before the Sox call him up and send Bellhorn packing? The Yanks wrapped up a pathetic trip by losing two of three at Busch. In case you need reminding, the Yanks went 3-9 on this trip and have now lost their last five series. Everyone loves to talk about how this staff has struggled, but the offense is the real culprit. What have Yankee fans seen in Robinson Cano that I have missed? When you listen to New York radio, you would think a young Robbie Alomar was playing second for the pinstripes. Sorry guys, Cano has some decent pop (12 doubles) but this is not the future of the franchise. I loved the comments out of Lou Penally this weekend where he took Devil Ray ownership to task for not spending enough money to put a decent team on the field. I actually agree with Sweet Lou on this one. MLB should send an edict down to Tampa - spend more money or sell the team. There is now talk the Devil Rays may trade Aubrey Huff to Atlanta. What kind of signal does that send to the seventeen thousand fans in West Florida? If MLB wanted to generate some good will with the players association, in the next C.B.A., they would agree to a minimum spending provision so teams like Tampa were forced to spend some more money. After all - some colleges in Florida spend more money on their football programs then Tampa does on its baseball team.

For those of you thinking the White Sox are going to return to earth - forget it. If they play .500 on the way in, they will win 92 games. In the AL Central, that is a certainty and 55-45 is much more likely. This team will be in the playoffs. I think the Twins stand a good chance as well. They just sleepwalked through an ordinary stretch but they did it without a bunch of regulars. With Mourneau and Mauer back, this team is fully armed and ready to step it up a notch. The only reason I care about the Tigers is I know a guy who has a bet where he wins five grand for every loss above 81. That bet is looking a bit better after the Tigers lost six of their last eight. The bet here is the White Sox and Twins will have locked up playoff spots and will roll over to the Tigers during the final week of the season. The end result - the Tigers will finish 80-82 and my boy will take home only five grand. Its probably too late for the Tribe to get back in this thing, but they have climbed over .500 after winning six of seven. They have a 12 game homestead coming up that includes both Cincy and Colorado, meaning something along the lines of 8-4 or 9-3 is possible. If the Indians do in fact keep their head above water, it could keep lefty Art Rhodes off the trade block. Rhodes was a disaster in Oakland, but he has been real tough for the Tribe this year (3 BB in 25 innings) and what contender couldn’t use a solid lefty? The Red Sox, Mets, Marlins and possibly the Nationals would all kill for Rhodes right now. Kill may be too strong a word, but you get the point.

Out West. Texas scrapped together a needed win on Sunday after losing eight of ten, and two of those wins came against Kansas City. During the stretch, the club threw in the towel on Ryan Drese who now finds himself in Washington. You think Frank Robinson is going to put up with any of his shit? Drese has been getting drilled all year, but perhaps his sinker will have a better time in the NL. Don’t count on it. The Rangers sure could use some more production out of Hank Ballock who is on pace to drive in less then 100 runs but strike out 150 times. This team has a scary offense at times, but there are a lot of K’s in that lineup and too many guys who have trouble with breaking balls. Meanwhile, the Angles got Vlad back and I have the sense they are ready to roll. They didn’t play great on this road trip, but having Vlad in there makes all the difference in the world. Coming back from a 3-0 deficit to Pedro on Sunday was huge for this club, especially after handing one over to the Mets on Saturday night. Here is a peculiar stat - Chone Figgins is a switch hitter but he hits only .118 right handed. Such a stat begs the question of why he doesn’t hit left handed all the time. Are you telling me he can’t hit .118 as a lefty against southpaws? By the way, his real name is Desmond and he will be referred to as Desmond in this space from here on out. Don’t look now, but Eric Chavez has fought his way back to respectability. Sure, he is only hitting .250 with ten bombs, but that is a far cry from where he was three weeks ago. Jim Thome would kill for Eric’s numbers. Just when I thought Seattle was going to get it going, they go in Washington and get swept by the surging NATS. I found the following in a News of the Weird column: Ichiro is now hitting just .295. I always knew that guy was on steroids.