Thursday, December 14, 2006

K-Dice, Vernon and Senator Johnson

So the Red Sox have themselves a new pitcher – this one costing just $103 million over the next six years. My thoughts? Well, this effort to sign Daisuke Matsuzawka shows that the Sox front office is actually capable of devising a plan and sticking to it. Prior to yesterday, such capability was largely in doubt due to a track record littered with flip-flops, diversions, and abortions. In this instance, it seems as if the Sox had a thoughtful and well-devised plan, stuck to it, and saw it come to fruition largely as envisioned. Sure, they shocked the world with the Herculian posting fee and critics crowed that the organization was primed to jump off the plank into a sea of fiscal irresponsibility. But a funny thing happened on the way to another fiscal disaster. And that thing was the Sox actually won a hand against Scott Boras and ended up locking up a 26-year old pitcher for a price that is within market parameters. Hey, I have no idea if the “Orient Express” can pitch. I have no idea whether this guy is more Nomo than Pedro. I couldn’t tell you what the hell this “gyro” ball is all about. But what I can tell you is that the market for pitching has gotten flat out stupid and if this kid turns out to be a stud, $17M/yr is pretty damn reasonable. Sure, this is a gamble and given the Sox recent history of mis-evaluating talent, I am a bit concerned this one will also be more fizzle than fuzz. But at some point, the Sox are going to get one of these talent assessments right and if this is the turn, it just may turn out that the Sox got a steal.

Can someone tell me when Vernon Wells morphed into Willie Mays? If in fact Tornoto has offered Vern a new seven-year contract for $126 million and he hasn’t signed it yet, then someone better check under Vernon’s hood. Despite what ESPN's Buster Olney might suggest, Vernon is hardly a superstar. In fact, with a career OPS off just under .830 (and just .732 on the road 04-06), Vernon is a lot closer to Torii Hunter than Carlos Beltran or Andruw Jones. Nice player - yes. Great player? Only if Webster's has significantly diluted the definition of "great" in its latest edition. Olney had the temerity this morning to suggest that given Vernon’s skills and age, he could perhaps command $200 Million dollars on the open market next year. God, if that’s the case (and it isn't), is Andruw Jones going to get Arod money next Winter? And what about Carlos Zambrano? $300 Million? Moral to this story – Olney is a total ass clown prone to hyperbole and Wells is an idiot if he doesn’t his this bid. After all, $126 million is an awful lot for a guy who might not make an all-star team if he didn't get 15-20 at bats off Josh Beckett each year.

So, lets say Senator Tim Johnson doesn’t survive this unfortunate incident with all his faculties. Say, he is placed in a medically induced coma. Well, as I understand it, such a condition will not require Johnson to relinquish his Senate seat. After all, there is precedent for members of the Senate keeping their seats even though they didn’t cast a vote for years. So if Johnson ends up in a vegetated state, the question I have is whether some of those ass clowns who feverishly fought efforts to end Teri Schiavo’s life will stand by the good senator and oppose any effort to end Johnson’s life, knowing full well that his beating heart is all that stands in between minority and majority status. Am I just being cynical to think that all those jerks that fought to keep Teri alive will be a little less vigorous this time around? This is shaping up as the Super Bowl of hypocrisy.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Iraq, Gay Men in the HOF, and Baseball Lunacy

Just a quick thought on Iraq that struck me this afternoon - As difficult as it is to foresee any tribal reconciliation in Iraq, it seems just as implausible to conceive of any reconciliation occurring in THIS country until this President does the unthinkable: admit this fight has been woefully managed from the top and has resulted in a stinging loss. This is the admission that war critics demand before they can contemplate any support for a new presidential cleanup strategy. Think of it as the non-negotiable ransom that President Bush must pay before war critics will ever call off the dogs. Simply put, war critics want to see the post-game interview where the coach takes the loss unto himself and admits he called a bad game. Such accountability would forever sully Bush’s historical standing and therefore it is almost impossible to conceive, but without such an admission, reconciliation stands a better chance of succeeding in Iraq than it does here at home.

Is Cooperstown ready for a gay man because the way the press reports this relationship between Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite, it is pretty clear that the two-seam fastball Roger taught Andy has absolutely nothing to do with baseball. Jesus, who would have thought Roger Clemens would have so much in common with Andy Dick.

Gil Meche for $55 million dollars? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this year’s award for “most asinine general manager in baseball” goes to Dayton Moore. Please, would someone explain to me how a team, with a $50 million dollar payroll can justify spending 20 percent of its resources on a pitcher whose career ERA is four and two-thirds? This is a guy whose ERA last year was a tick above the league average which, by definition, makes him middling at best. 55 million dollars? Gil Meche? Just a guess, but with Mike Sweeney's contract expiring this year, my bet is the Royals have the early line of spending Sweeney's dough next Winter on either Paul Byrd or Matt Clement. With this signing, the Royals have firmly announced their intention to compete for the distinction of being the worst franchise in sports. Watch out Matt Millen, someone is gunning for you

Yesterday, I absolutely savaged my Red Sox for their JD adventure and I still believe that is a debacle in waiting, but at least JD can play when he is out there. The same can’t be said for a host of guys getting big money from teams that should have their head examined. Its too easy to pick on Jim Hendry of the Cubs cause he’s been an idiot for years and therefore the mega-deal for Soriano and the lotto ticket awarded to Ted Lilly are par for the course. But when did Bill Stoneman of the Angels lose his mind? Five years and $50 million for Gary Mathews Jr.? When did utility outfielders start winning multi-year contracts that confer eight-figure annual payouts? And across town, the Dodgers gave big money to a center fielder that I have long thought is one of the five most overrated players in all of baseball. I think Juan Pierre had four RBI at Memorial Day last year. FOUR! I realize that the going rate for everyday players has gone up, but Pierre and Mathews are barely everyday players. Fro my money, I’ll take Drew at 70 million over these other two caddies.

Just found this out – Dara Torres, a girl who I dated when I was in sixth grade, is planning to make another comeback and take a shot at making her fifth Olympic swim team, this time at the ripe age of 41. For those of you who are not familiar with Dara’s career, she won eight Olympic medals, four of which are gold, over a sixteen-year period that began in 1984 and culminated at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. She took Athens off but is now poised to make a run at Bejing and based on some recent white-hot performances; she stands a pretty good shot at making that team. Given her sport, where female swimmers generally peak in their late teens, Torres longevity is simply mind-boggling. And let me tell you, when she kissed me at that meet up in San Luis Obispo, I could have never imagined that I would draw a walk and reach first off a girl who would someday reach Olympic immortality.

Watched a little of that Nets/Suns game last night and let’s get this straight. Steve Nash is awesome! I was harboring some reservations before anointing SN as the best point guard of all-time, but if you back out Magic on grounds that he can’t be pigeon-holed as a true point, Nash is right there at the top of the list. You can no longer tell me that Nash has to take a back seat to Isiah or Stockton or Cousy. He’s got those two MVPs and if Amare can stay healthy over the next three seasons, there is no reason to believe Nash won’t pick up a ring one of these years. Marc Cuban can bitch at the NBA all he wants about that bad call that cost his Mavs a title, but he only has himself to blame since he was the one who let Nash go and had Nash still been in Dallas, Cuban would be wearing some extra jewelry.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Not So Lean Sox

So the Red Sox mgmt team has gone out and spent 106M of the Trust’s treasure on Julio Lugo and JD Drew. Just fucking great! I swear, other than that clown in the White House, Theo Epstein might be the dumbest motherfucker to have ever graduated from Yale. Come to think of it, I'm not sure the Jews are too thrilled to claim him either. Listen, Jews couldn't get into Yale for 200 years and Theo is just giving ammunition to those on the Board of Trustees who would like to see a return to the old admission policy. Lest you couldn’t tell, the half-Jew Holic didn't like these moves at all.

I guess I’ll start with Drew. First of all, these rednecks almost never work in Boston. Yes, Trot Nixon was from Dogpatch and he kind of worked but his dad is a doctor so Trot was hardly raised by Barney Fife. Drew on the other hand is straight cracker. This is a guy who matriculated in the redneck capital of Florida and balked at playing in Philly due to his concern that Pennsylvania no longer enforces the Fugitive Slave Act. So what does Theo decide to do? Why not bring this Valdosta boy way up North where it’s butt ass cold in April and people actually care when players under-perform. Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe Theo is privy to some merchandising data that suggests the Sox don't have a toehold down in Dixie and need a new ambassador. So just as Matsusaka is going to sell jerseys over in Tokyo, Drew is going to sell lids down in Tuskeegee. This one is not going to be pretty

Staying with Drew for a second. What did this guy do to deserve this $70M windfall? I’ll tell you - in roughly 500 at bats and 600 plate appearances, he hit .283 with 20 bombs and 100 RBI. His OPS? A nice .895. And that year merits $70M? If that is the case, what does this year merit - 441 at bats, .306 BA, 28 bombs, 87 RBI, OPS of .974.? Well, I’ll tell you what it netted Trot after the 2003 season. Try a three-year contract amounting to $19.5M. What the hell happened in the interim? I’ll tell you what happened. Theo took over and started misallocating resources all over the Fenway grass. This guy is a manic spender. One year he is "Mr. Fiscal Conservative," smartly keeping the buffet closed for Johnny Damon and the like. The next year, he is the Chairman of the Appropriations Committee, doling out largess to every half-ass project under the sun. Its only a matter of time before the honorable chairman bankrupts the nation.

Now Drew supporters will say JD can run a bit and throw a bit and hit a bit. That’s all true, but he’s never healthy, he’s surly, and last year he struggled against lefties and in pressure spots. That’s just what the Red Sox need – another guy who can’t rake lefties. I bet Eric Beddard and BJ Ryan, and Scott Kazmir are licking their chops over this one. Plus, look at his post-season numbers - 11 for 61! Did somebody say AROD? Listen, if Drew is healthy, he’s a pretty good guy to have as your fifth place hitter and god knows the Red Sox got zero production out of that hole last year. But $70M? Listen, for that kind of money, I’ll take a Drew, but I want the one who spells his name Druw.

Last point on Drew before we move on to Luge. Wasn't it just a year ago that this front office was saying that there was no corner outfield power in the organization so a guy like Wily Mo Pena was needed? The answer is yes so Theo, in all his wisdom, went out and traded a solid and inexpensive pitcher (who loved pitching in Boston) for a one-tool wonder named Wily Mo. So what do they do a year later? They go out and pay $70M to lock in some power for the next five years and offer the Seibu Linons $51.1 million for the rights to talk to a pitcher that is now needed to fill Bronson's spot in the rotation. IN otherwords, the Sox made a fifty million dollar mistake and then went and spent another seventy to correct it. So what are they now going to do with Wily Mo?. Well, if Manny isn’t traded, Wily Mo has no role in Boston whatsoever. Hell, maybe they can pawn him off on Jim Bowden who seems eager to get his prize back. If that is the case and the Sox can pry Chad Cordero loose, then I'll turn down the rancor. But if Wily Mo goes and little comes back, this Sox fan is a called strike away from waiting for Theo outside the Fenway parking lot.

So on to Lugo - let me get this straight - the Sox are paying 9M/yr for one shortstop and 3M/yr to Atlanta for another. So that is 12M - or roughly 50 percent more than NL ROY Hanley Ramirez would have made FIVE years from now. So here is the lowdown on Julio. He can run, he gets into counts, and he has a strong, but sometimes eratic, arm. But he strikes out a lot and he’s not a good hitter late or with two outs. J-Lu is hardly another J-Ro, but you sure couldn’t tell that from each player’s pay stubs this year. By the way, J-Lu is already 31 and had no extra base hits against the Yanks last year – welcome to Boston!

The way I see it, here is the moral to this story - NESN must have had a great year cause I now see the 07 payroll at 136M and the Sox still need a closer. Listen, things might still work out for the Sox if Drew stays healthy, Pena fetches Cordero or some other passable closer, Manny shows up this April, Varitek recovers half his game, Beckett grows tired of turning around so quickly, and Matsuaka turns into a nice import Wait, did I just catch myself doing a Peter Gammons impression. Jesus we’re fucked!

Last point – does anyone else out there aside from the Holic think the timing of the Jon Lester “I beat cancer” news was aimed in Scotty B's direction? "Listen Scott, we have our five for 06 if need be. So it’s either 4/32 or you client goes back to Japan for two years and you never rep a Japanese client again. Sleep tight".

Monday, December 04, 2006

Couple of thoughts on Michigan and Florida

Here are just a few of the Holic's thoughts on Florida’s selection over Michigan to play in the BCS Championship

Two arguments have been greatly overstated over the past week.

First of all, Michigan’s three-point loss at Ohio State was hardly a three-point loss. Sorry guys, back door covers make a difference on collection day but they mean nothing when it comes to comparative analysis. That was a 10-point game that was never in doubt and it could have been much worse had Ohio State not been so charitable. I also don’t think it helps that Michigan’s one big win came against a Notre Dame team that has been revealed as a dirty diaper. So Michigan’s resume basically amounts to a nice win at home versus Whiskey and a not-so-nail-biting loss at Columbus. I’d say this applicant doesn’t deserve the two spot but, then again, Dick Cheney never beat Whisky and it didn’t stop him from being named “number two.”.

Two, the SEC is the best conference in football, but the margin of difference is far less than that espoused by confederate and NASCAR apologists. Georgia stunk, Bama was worse, Arkansas won the West and got absolutely drilled at home by USC, South Carolina squeaked by Wofford and yet only lost by one to Florida, and nine of the twelve conference quarterbacks are bound for Canada or Daytona or Iraq or wherever dumbass rednecks go when their eligibility expires We hear this southern inferiority crap every year and every year the SEC goes out during the bowl season and proves its fallibility. For those of you who have trouble finding your ass with two hands, I’ll just remind you that last winter, Wisky whipped Auburn, Bama squeaked by Texas Wreck, Georgia was maimed at home by West Virginia and Florida hardly dominated Iowa. Best conference – yes, but this is hardly a case where the SEC is the AFC and the Big-10 is the NFC.

Some other thoughts . . . .

Who the fuck names or nicknames their kid Urban? Does he have a sister named Rural? By the way, is it true that in Latin, Urban means whinny bitch? I have had enough of this guy and the real hype is still three weeks away.

It’s just me, but I actually like the Florida Jaws theme song.

Has there ever been a “can’t miss” who has missed by a wider margin that Chris Leak. I’ll help you out and give you Ron Curry who was a top-10 basketball/football recruit at UNC who couldn’t play either sport, but Leak is pretty competitive so long as we keep this to just pigskin. This kid came out of High School as the next Vick but hardly anyone at that time would have guessed that the scouts meant Marcus. You back out Leak’s games against Southern Mississippi, Central Florida and Kentucky and this guy was a total drip.
I think Vandy coach Bobby Johnson should have been given the final say on who got the final BCS championship spot. His Commodores played both teams and just in case you’re too lazy to look up the results, Vandy lost by 20 at Ann Arbor and lost by six at home to Florida. So Bobby, what do you think?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Race for the Prize - OSU v Michigan!

In anticipation for this year's Game of the Century, I thought I'd take a few minutes to jot down my thoughts on a rivalry that goes beyond football. . . . . .


The most recent national championships won by both schools are a bit tarnished. Ohio State’s title, won in 2002, came at the hands of Miami, which lost stud back Willis McGhahee in the first quarter and still would have won the game had it not been for one of history’s worst pass interference calls. As for Michigan, their last championship was split with Nebraska after a season where I think UM played ten home games and then barely nipped Washington State in the Rose Bowl. True, Nebraska got some miracle tip that year, but the Huskers drilled Peyton in the Sugar Bowl. What's a more impressive win? Beating Peyton or beating Ryan Leaf?

The best receivers at each school both had the last name of Carter. I give the edge to Michigan’s AC since Chris did his best work on Sundays.

Nobody from Michigan can match Archie Griffen’s two Heisman’s or Santonio Holmes three recent arrests. The best Michigan could do on the blotter is tackle Larry Harrison’s 2006 conviction for indecently exposing himself all over Ann Arbor.

My alma matter, UCLA, punked number one Ohio State in the 1976 Rose Bowl and upset Michigan in the second round of the 1998 NCAA tourney. And had Ty Edney's little runner fallen in 1993, Michigan's Chris Webber would never have had the opportunity to make the second biggest mistake ever committed in an NCAA final.

Nobody from Michigan is starring down Jack Nicklaus but then again, nobody from OSU is out-swimming Michael Phelps.

By virtue of sheer numbers, OSU probably has better looking girls than Michigan but per capita, it might be close. On second thought – does it really matter? The Midwest is the Midwest!

My friend Kim went to Law School at Michigan and she is probably smarter and cooler than anyone who has ever gone to Ohio State.

Michigan clearly turns out better doctors, lawyers and bankers, but OSU turns out better veterinarians (it helps that UM doesn’t have a school).

In the black actors category, OSU produced Superfly while Michigan produced James Earl Jones – edge Buckeyes.

In the stadium “nickname” category, I’ll take “The Horseshoe” over the “Big House,” and on tradition, I’ll take “Script Ohio” over “Hail Hail to Michigan.”

Michigan produced God while the best QB out of Columbus – Art Schlichter - gambled his way out of the NFL. – big edge Wolves.

Ann Arbor is fifth on my list of “best college towns” in America list while Columbus is well . . . . . . .Columbus.

Ohio has a lot of Heartland Republicans and Michigan has the largest arab community in the country. It’s just a matter of time before Ohio invades under the auspicies that Michigan is hiding WMDs.

In hoops, the all-time Ohio State team of John Havlicek, Jerry Lucas, Clark Kellogg, Michael Redd and Jimmy Jackson edges the all-time Michigan team of Glen Rice, Chris Webber, Cazzie Russell, Ricky Green, and Jalen Rose. The difference – Bobby Knight on the sidelines for OSU.

When it comes to baseball, Michigan has Barry Larkin, but OSU had Frank Howard. Too close to call.

The Olympics is close as well as Jessie Owens starred down Hitler and won four gold medals in Berlin while Mike Phelps won eight medals – six gold - in Athens. This is really tough. On the one hand, Owens embarrassed der fuhrer, but he was running and jumping against a bunch of slow white guys. Fast forward 70 years - Phelps wasn’t swimming against many slow black guys. Edge Phelps.

Ann Coulter went to Michigan which is a massive strike against the school, but my hero Jack Kervorkian, also a UM alum, helps offset this blemish. As an aside, I wouldn’t mind seeing Ann come down with some horrific disease and no doctor at her bedside willing to pull her plug. Isn’t irony a bitch!

When it comes to comedy, OSU has Richard Lewis while UM has David Allen Grier. Neither are funny but Lewis’ role on Curb Your Enthusiasm ends up being the difference. Edge Buckeyes.

Michigan has Lucy Liu, Madonna and Alice from the Brady Bunch. The best OSU can do is the lady who was married to Ray Romano on his dopey show. Edge Wolverines.

Michigan has had a guy in the White House and in this contest, he is running unopposed since the best OSU can muster is that guy on Fox who hosts John Kasich’s Heartland.

For my money, Kirk Herbstreit is a better commentator than fellow-Buck Clark Kellogg, and as long as we are in broadcasting, I’ll take Herb over that self-righteous UM grad Mike Wallace. Big edge Buckeyes, especially when you consider that they have Jack Buck on the bench and he just happened to have the greatest home run call of all-time. “We’ll see you tomorrow night!”

During the nineties, my Pats hit it big with UM grad Ty Law while OSU draftees Andy Katzenmoyer and Terry Glenn both turned out to be huge pussies. This decade, OSU grad Mike Vrabel has helped the Buckeye cause in New England but he wasn’t a draftee and he’s no Tom Brady.


Prediction – Ohio State 28 Michigan 20

Enjoy the game!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Sept 11- MVP or Lifetime Achievement Award?

Since when the does the BBWA give out a lifetime achievement award disguised as an American League MVP? What am I talking about, you may ask? Do I have to answer that? Of course I am talking about this nonsense surrounding Derrick Jeter’s bid to win this year’s AL MVP. As of this morning, this is what DJ’s season projects out to:

635 113 219 42 15 105 .345 .419 .493

DJ is undeniably having a very good year and perhaps his best. But you know what better numbers from a shortstop netted in the 1999 MVP race? Try 7th! And that came from a guy who CARRIED his meager team to the AL wildcard. You think I’m joking? Try these numbers on for size

532 103 190 42 27 104 .357 .418 .603

Granted, Nomar was hurt that year, but his contributions were huge and far superior to DJs. FAR SUPERIOR! Hook nose had an OPS was 100 bps higher than DJ and yet, if there was a Heisman like presentation for MVP, Nomar wouldn’t have even been invited to the Downtown AC. For godsake, he had 13 more extras than DJ in 100 less at bat and I don’t want to hear any “we’re no longer in the steroid era.” Sorry, these two years were compiled in the same era.

I just find this Jeter talk to be a little bit juvenile and I am bit surprised the national press has bought into this NYC-driven campaign. Listen, the Yanks are in front by ten games so the argument that DJ carried this team is purely fictional. This team would have won with a modest year out of Jeter and that is pretty hard to dispute. It’s also a bit hard to stomach some of these Yankee fans complain about the bias against Yankee MVP candidates. Boy do these fans have a short memory since it was just last year that the BBWA committed one of its biggest atrocities to date when it handed Alex Rodriguez a trophy that had David Ortiz name on it. Papi is the rightful winner once again but I understand it can’t go to a guy on a non-playoff qualifier. With that said, there is no doubt in my mind that the trophy belongs in Minnesota where you can flip a coin between Johan and Justin. If you disagree, I suggest you take a look at Sanatana’s numbers once again since they project to 21- 6, a WHIP under one and his team hasn’t lost one of his starts since May. That is an MVP.

Sept. 9 - Thoughts Heading into Horns/Bucks

Just some thoughts heading into tonight's big OSU/Texa game


Neither school had the best team on the field when they last won national championships. Sorry - Miami, even without Willis McGhahee was better than the 2002 Bucks and USC was an asinine Reggie Bush play away from burying the Horns last year.

UCLA, my alma matter layed the worst home loss in Texas history when they thumped the Horns in 1997 by the not so tidy score of 66-3.

Nobody from Texas is starring down Jack Nicklaus or covering John Havlicek for 48 minutes, but then again, nobody from OSU is out-swimming Arron Piersol or hitting the Rocket.

Texas has better looking girls and a better law school, but OSU turns out better veterinarians (it helps that UT doesn’t have a school).

John Cooper was bad but John Mackovic was worse!

Texas has produced Owen Wilson, Matt McConaughey, Renne Zellweger, Rip Torn and Farrah. OSU has produced Superfly! – Push as RZ and MM are serious negatives.

I would much rather spend a year in Austin than a year in Columbus.

For my money, Herbstreit is a better commentator than fellow-Buck Clark Kellogg, and as long as we are in journalism, I’ll take Herb over that self-righteous UT grad Walter Cronkite.

Mack Brown hadn’t won a big game in his life so how come he is now Vince Lombardi after rolling a nothing schedule (sorry, OU and the Big-12 were horrible last year) and catching a huge break last January? Am I supposed to forget all those losses to Oklahoma and Florida State?

Number 34 edges out Ricky Williams as the greatest player in Texas history since the Gulf of Tonkin resolution and I’ll give that OSU honor to Randy Gradishar, Orlando Pace, or Eddie George. Sorry Chris, you did your best work on Sunday.

Nobody asked for my opinion but I would have grabbed Leinhart ahead of Young.

Maurice Claret should never have been allowed to step on the OSU campus and I’m beginning to wonder whether the same couldn’t be said for Santonio Holmes.

OSU grad Jack Tatum was the dirtiest player in pro football history and George Steinbrenner (OSU something or other) is the dirtiest owner in baseball history.

Jim Tressel – you can take the used car salesman out from Youngstown, but you can’t take the Youngstown out of the used car salesman. That tie and sweater vest ain’t fooling anyone!

The Pats took two Buckeyes in the nineties, Andy Katzenmoyer and Terry Glenn, both of whom turned out to be pussies.

A degree from a school like OSU, which has 50,000 undergrads, deserves an asterisk.

Prediction: OSU 27 Texas 13

Monday, June 26, 2006

June 26 - Yankee Fans and Ageism

I don't post much anymore, but I wrote this for a friends site - www.brooklynmetfan.com- so I thought I would post it here as well:

Is it just me or is the subject of “age” becoming a real sensitive issue with Yankee fans these days? Lest you haven’t noticed, and it’s pretty hard to fall into this category if you watch any baseball whatsoever, there is an unusually large wave of terrific young players coming of age this year. In Queens and Boston and Florida and Philadelphia and Detroit and Minnesota and Cleveland and Seattle and Los Angeles and even in Pittsburgh, – tomorrow’s stars are budding, and in a number of cases, blooming right before our collective eyes. And lets be frank – I’m not talking about a Pat Listach here and a Scott Williamson there. No, this new class is loaded with guys who have ceilings that reach to Cooperstown. These are guys who will not only dominate baseball for the next decade, but are already on the cusp of “greatness,” and I use that term without doing too much damage to Webster’s permissible definition. And the one thing these young bucks share in common – not a single one of them gets his fan mail sent to the Bronx.

Has it occurred to the typical Yankee fan that we are at the dawn of a new era that, along with most other good things in life, seemingly bypassed the South Bronx? In most cases, it has not since your typical Yankee fan wouldn’t know the difference between Nelson Liriano and Francisco Liriano without the benefit of a baseball encyclopedia and a fascinating anecdote delivered by Yankee great Al Leiter. Nonetheless, there are a handful of Yankee fans – some who may have an iron in the fantasy fire – who are now awakening to the fact that a youthful arms buildup has broken out in baseball and the pinstripes are on the wrong side of the emerging missile gap. And let me tell you, this recognition is not sitting well with some who reside within the evil empire. Sure, some will attempt to accentuate the positive by foolishly touting their own and others will stew quietly as talk turns to the revolution at hand. But rest assured, the informed Yankee fan gets a little uneasy when baseball’s youth movement is broached. These fans know that some of the Yankee shortcomings can be masked with largess, but these fans also know that Team Cash is on the wrong side of the development curve. You won’t get these fans to admit as much, but deep down it irks them that money alone may no longer guarantee regular season success.

Now some Yankee fans will surely quibble with my premise that the Yankees aren’t full participants in the league’s burgeoning youth movement. After all, Chien-Ming Wang is 26, Robby Cano is just 23 and Melky Cabrera is just 21. Each is young and each is contributing to a team that is competing for a division title. The prosecution will concede as much, but that is where the concessions end. Because unlike the defense, the prosecution in this case does not feel that any member of the aforementioned triumvirate is deserving of membership in the “Fredy Lynn Club,” named of course for the only man in my lifetime to have been awarded the MVP in his rookie season.

Lets take them one at a time and start with little Melky. Has Melky had his moments? Indeed he has. Does he project into anything more then a fourth outfielder? I’d say the answer is no. I will stipulate that its tough to say that with absolute certainty since he’s only 21, but at this time, Melky really doesn’t have a single plus tool and while he does put the ball in play, it is rarely with any sizzle. Yes, I realize he’ll grow, but seven extras in 150 at bats is a bit punk for a corner outfielder that hits .250 and doesn’t steal bases. Quite simply, Melky will never hit with the kind of power that the Yankees demand in a corner outfielder. Next!

Okay, picking on Melky was easy but what about Wang and Cano? Brian Cashman says these guys are untouchable and if Brian says so, these guys must be the real deal. Lets first consider Wang whose headline numbers read as follows: 8-3 with a 4.14 ERA and a WHIP around 1.3. Not bad for a twenty-six year old. Decent velocity. Decent sink. Some real good starts in the mix. What’s there not to like? Well, some may say I’m nitpicking, but where are the Ks? Just 36 whiffs in 104 innings? Wang, put your camera away and start dealing! One strikeout per every three innings is pretty meager for a guy who supposedly hits 95 on the gun. Also, Wang’s numbers completely fall off the table when he goes to the stretch. You think I’m kidding? How bout the fact that guys are hitting .333 off him with runners on base. Sure, Wang gets a lot of groundouts which is a positive, but at the end of the day, he allows too many balls to be put in play. His sink allows him to get away with some of this, but the fact that he can’t blow anyone out and tends to get hit when runners reach, cap his ceiling close to where he currently resides. Wang can get better, but the astute Yankee fan knows that the only time you would ever use Wang’s name in the same sentence as Scott Kazmir is when you say: “that Wang, he’s no Scott Kazmir!”

Finally we get to the jewel of the system. The golden boy who represents the Yankees new found commitment to youth. The man that “Brian the Brain” refused to trade away last year even though the pinstripes were locked in a tight race at the trade deadline. Of course I am talking about Robinson Cano, the slick hitting left-handed, left fielder who plays second base for the New York Yankees. How can I say anything negative about Roby Cano, the second year player who is hitting .325 with an OPS close to .800? It’s hard to argue against those numbers, but a little closer evaluation turns up some rather discouraging quirks in Cano’s game. For one, how does a guy hitting sixth or seventh in that lineup only have twenty-seven RBI? You really want the answer? Try these nightmares on for size. Cano is hitting just .227 with runners in scoring position and just .195 with runners in scoring position and two out. Hitting with the bases loaded is always a good spot to pile up RBI, but Robbie is just one for ten when coming up when the deck is stacked. Don’t get me wrong – I think Cano is a nice player. His hands are a bit questionable, but he can rake and probably deserves to hit higher in a lineup. But lets not kid ourselves. Robby Cano isn’t Jose Reyes and he isn’t Chase Utley. He’s a nice player but if he is the jewel of the system, its time for the system to mine somewhere else.

The moral to this story is this – the league is now being over-run by exciting young players who are already dominating. Reyes, Verlander, Liriano, Paplebon, Wright, Howard, Kazmir, Zumaya, Hernandez, Kemp, Bay. The balance of power is shifting, and will continue to shift to those teams that have scored big in development. Sure, the Yankees will still be able to paper over some of their weakness in this area by spending huge sums of cash. This winter, I’m sure Cashman, provided he still has a job, will swap out of Sheffield and into Carlos Lee. Then he’ll spin his magic and outbid everyone for Zito and Schmidt, preying that one or both will sign up to be the next Carol Pavano. Cashman can spend money like nobody else and I’m sure he will be out with hat in hand this winter. But what if he comes up empty. What if Zito decides to stay near his home in Southern California? What if Seattle blows Schmidt away? I’ll tell you what happens – the Yankees will go into 2007 one year older and one year closer to the end of the Mariano era.

Some Yankee fans recognize this and that is why they hate to discuss the new blood that is coming into the league. After all, the Yankees can’t poach “new” blood for six years and this just isn’t fair as far as Yankee fans are concerned. Hell, for all that luxury tax the Yankees pay, they should at least get first crack at the exciting kids – right? Wrong! The great equalizer in baseball is development, as the Yanks will soon find out. The way I see it, as more and more talent gets to the majors ready to dominate, the Yanks will suffer more and more since all this talent is beyond their reach. After all, you can’t steal talent that is bolted to the floor. The Yankee fan is just beginning to see that for the first time in a decade, the future is a just a bit cloudy and it could be fixing to rain. That is why the next time you hear some fan spout off about Mike Mussina’s great year, I suggest you bring up the fact that Joel Zumaya has been filthy. At the very least, the retort should buy you some peace and quiet.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

April 6 - Insights from Indy

The Holic is still recovering from three days on non-stop drinking in Indy but here are some thoughts on this past weekend at the Final Four:

It is indisputable – the Final Four is the greatest major sporting event to attend. Sorry NFL’ers – there is simply no comparison. The Super Bowl is for sponsors while the FF is for the kids and the fans. Sure, when they park the Super Bowl in a great city like New Orleans it can be a good ride, but when it comes to sheer excitement and festivity, nothing ranks up there with the Final Four. In fact, if I had to rank events to attend – and I have pretty much been to everything – I would put the FF on top followed by the Summer Olympics. After that, nothing is that appealing unless you have an iron in the fire. Full disclosure – I have never been to Augusta, game day at Notre Dame or Florida, or the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. (Hot Dog contest is coming down this July and South Bend may come off the list when the Bruins head there in October). What makes the Final Four so great – well, you got chicks (both college-style and middle-aged FF whores), you got celebs, you got bands, and you get three games for the price of one. It also helps when the host is a town like Indy where all the hotels, bars and arena are located within a mile of one another. So fans out there – get on Expedia and start lining plans for next March. I know its in Atlanta, but even that sporting desert couldn’t mess up something that is so inherently good.

More thoughts on Indy:

Indy is the perfect spot to host this event and it should probably be named the permanent host, but lets make this clear – the Capitol of Indiana is an eye sore in the middle of Nowhere Ville. Unless you are a fan of coal-fired power plants, dilapidated houses and street punks roaming the streets late night, this is not a tourist destination. Now I was told I wasn’t exposed to the affluent northern suburbs, but from what I saw in my seventy-two hours, Indy is a Shit Hole – two parts shit, one part hole. If it were a chemical compound, its symbol would be S2H. The people were nice and the downtown was passable, spruced up by the fact that 35,000 fans were milling about, but this is not a city I would choose to adopt.

Celebrity sightings: Jim Calhoun, Roy Williams, Steve Alford, Bill Russell, Kareem, Bill Walton, Mike Warren (Hill Street Blues – UCLA), Lucious Allen, Ed O’Bannon, that autistic kid from upstate New York (2x), Jay Bilas, Rece Davis, Howie Schwab, Howard Garfinkel, Jim Harrick, Steve Lavin, Bill Frieder, Karl Dorrell, Damon Bailey.

Hooked up with a couple of gals on Sudnay night who meet each other once a year -- at the final four. As far as the Holic is concerned, that is pretty good stuff. Two gals whose priorities are above reproach. I am thinking about turning this lovely story into a near-X screenplay. How bout this as a story. A guy and gal have a great hook up at the 1997 Final Four and somehow they fail to accurately exchange info. Their only connection is that each knows the other attends the FF every year. With that said, they each attend every year in hopes of finding and rekindling that Wildcat love. Along the way, all sorts of wacky hijinx befall our duo. Ashley Judd was born to play the female lead. For the male - I am thinking about casting myself.

Points on the game: Florida obviously dominated the final, but lets tone down the comparisons between Joakim Noah and Pat Ewing. Look whom Noah was playing against on Monday night – Lorenzo Mata and Ryan Hollins aren’t quite James Worthy, Hakeem or Ed Pinkney. Had King James been out there sporting a Bruins jersey, I’ll bet my ass some of those blocks would have morphed into gator facials. Now I will be the first to admit that Noah dominated that game, but let’s calm down before we err and put this guy on the all-time FF team. From my seat, it looked like Corey Brewer was probably the best all-around gator on the floor this weekend.

Pet Peeve – fans of teams playing for championships talking about next year and dynasties instead of the game at hand. I heard a lot of talk Monday from UCLA fans talking about 2007 when the Bruins were still alive to win in 2006. Jesus Christ – a national championship is just forty minutes away and all people could talk about was next year. What is wrong with these people? Folks – we watch sports for the moment – not the future. Is this about people taking comfort in a secure future rather then focusing on the possibility of near-term disappointment? Whatever it is – I find it repulsive. And when I hear it, I know I’m talking to a phony and its time to move on.


Lets get into some baseball:

As I wrote to some friends last night – has a closer ever been replaced after throwing just fourteen pitches? In case you missed it, that is what happened in Texas last night when Keith Foulke was supplanted by Jon Pappelbon as the closer of the Red Sox. This came after Foulke got cooked on Monday afternoon while throwing fourteen pitches in semi-mop duty. I saw this coming all off-season, but I was surprised it happened before Manager Terry Francona let Foulke cost the Sox five games. By truncating the process, I think the Sox probably went from a 90 win team to a 94 win team – that is the difference between letting Foulke pitch until Memorial Day and sitting him down on day three. So this is the sox strategy – Let Paps close until Craig Hansen is ready to don his Huston Street costume in two months (Hansen threw 12 scoreless this Spring but was sent down to work on his change). Judging from how Paps took care of business last night, the Sox bullpen is already in much better shape then it was 365 days ago. With Beckett and Schilling looking strong in their first starts, I have no choice but to upgrade Boston from under-perform to neutral.

I didn’t get a chance to write this at the time the news broke, but here is my Gary Sheffield thesis: Sheff was angling for the Yanks to pick up that option early this Spring because he knew his name was going to be front and center when this book on steroids came out. Most assume that Sheff is a model of consistency, but check out his numbers over the past three years. 2004 was clearly inferior to 2003 and 2005 was marginally worse then 2004. Now, with his name squarely in the steroid bin, Sheff knows he will not get a free pass to that option. He will have to put up a year to earn that money and that may not be so easy without the help of a weekly ass shot. What Sheff has going for him is that even if his numbers continue to trend down in 2006, the Yanks will probably overpay him by $4 million rather then go with a non-name in right come 2007.

Wow – tough loss for the Yanks last night. The Yanks sure look good on paper with all that offense, but they may have the worst defense in all of baseball. With that right side and absolutely nothing at any outfield spot, the Yanks will have to offset a whole lot of unearned runs. They may have picked up fifty runs in the off-season with JD, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this team gives thirty of those runs back with poor defense.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

March 28 - Way to go Dad! Nice Shot!

Kudos go out this morning to my Dad who got off his ass and scored some nice tix to the Final Four this weekend. Although pressing 75, he saddled up like a giddy UCLA frosh, taking down travel and lodging before I had even begun scouring Expedia. Pops has had Bruin football and basketball ticks forever (football dates back to 82) and I guess this one wasn't going to pass him by without a look. I am now praying the Bruins win Saturday night because if the Bruins get knocked out, conversation could be a little thin come Monday afternoon. Thank god I got the Sox opener in Texas to kill that gap between lunch and gametime.

The Bruins are getting absolutely NO respect from the national media ahead of the Final Four and I love it. Yesterday on WFAN in New York, the Bruins were given no chance of taking two and this suits me just fine. The crux of the criticism is the Bruins play too ugly to win. Hey, I can’t really disagree with the first part of the premise, as I concede watching UCLA is about as tough as watching that new JL Dreyfus vehicle. That is a fact. But ugly offense didn’t stop the Ravens from winning a Super Bowl and it didn’t stop the Pistons from winning a NBA championship. The Bruins may lack style, but what they can do is lock-down their opponents and that could be a real headache for a team like LSU that also lacks elegance. If you don’t believe me, call Memphis 411 and get John Calipari’s number. Moreover, in case you haven’t watched LSU – here is their game plan. Clank jumpers and other errant runners and then go get it. True, Ty Thomas is an impressive athlete and Baby D is a load, but we aren’t talking Shaq and Chris Jackson. You keep Thomas off the rim and he becomes mediocre. You make Baby work and who knows what he becomes. Listen, I’m not sure Moute can keep Thomas off that glass but I know this for sure – Thomas won’t keep Moute off the glass on the other end. What I’m sure of is this is going to be an ugly game. It’s in a dome and neither team can shoot at home let alone in a cave. I say the team that shoots forty percent stands a pretty damn chance of winning.

Can the Red Sox and Devil Rays have a fight without a baseball game breaking out? I thought this was all supposed to end after Pedro split, but obviously I was mistaken. So the Sox bring in Julian Taverz and the first thing he does is blow his cool and belts Joey Gathright in the jaw during a meaningless spring training game. This guy is a certifiable nut job – always has been and I suspect the new scenery will only make things worse. Here my predictions on Taverez – I think he hits nine batters, gets tossed from three games, starts up with at least two teammates and goes after a fan outside a bar on Commonwealth. When it is all added up, Theo will be forced to put this guy on the market in July and pay some team to take this clown off Boston’s hands. Would somebody in the front office please keep Theo away from the middle relief signing line next off-season because he can’t help himself when it come to useless set-up guys.

Side note on the Red Sox-Rays – for some reason, Yankee fans like Fat Ass Farncesa, seem to think the Sox fighting rivalry is with them. NOT SO. When it comes to fighting, the big Sox rival is down in Tampa and has been since 2001 and the Pedro/Gerald Williams incident. Last year, it got ugly between these two teams at least twice down in Tampa, while the Sox-Yankees games resembled a game between choirboys. Of course, this could all change if the Yanks had some hurlers with balls, but that has never been a strong point of Mussina, and Carol can’t risk losing her back in a brawl. Here’s hoping Unit gets something going this year because I want the Sox to test drive Wily Mo and set him loose on whoever the Yanks want to sacrifice.

Tough day for former Republican power brokers. First, we see that Lyn Nofziger goes down and then Cap the Knife (Cap Weinberger) buys it. If I were Dave Stockman, I would take the afternoon off and steer clear of any industrial machinery.

Nice save by Jack last night. That was cutting it a bit close but what an assist from the new girl at station 6. Her dish on the gas pressure was instrumental is saving the Southland. By the way, do any Caltech engineering students look like that? Any? Ever? Shari, the gal in question, has got to be one of most flimsily cradfted character in show history. How bout that look and line after she was brushed? "He shouldn't have done that?" You know you got issues when Chloe thinks your a mess.

Mike Davis claimed Indiana was no place for either an outsider or a black so who do they go out and sign; a black outsider. I don’t have anything against Sampson and I think he has done a pretty good job at Oklahoma but given what Davis has said and what I think I know about Indiana, this seems like an odd hire. I don’t care what Hoosiers might say to the contrary – race matters in Bloomington. In that town, they don’t like cutters and they don’t like blacks. If that weren’t the case, Lavar Burton, and not the kid from Bad News Bears, would have been in Breaking Away. I am hoping Sampson can fix things at Indiana because I think college basketball is better off with a solid program down in Bloomington. Hey, I’ve had enough of Whiskey and Michigan State. Lets go back to the good old days where the Big-10 was about Michigan, Indiana and Ohio State. Ohio State is well on their way. Sampson will perhaps get Indiana straightened out. So that just leaves Michigan. Anyone see a moving sign outside of the Amaker’s home this morning?

How in the world can the NCAA Women’s Basketball Selection Committee justify an Eastern Regional final where number one duke has to play in Bridgeport against number 2 UCONN? Whatever happened to taking care of the top seeds? Did they not see this coming? How in the world can you send a one seed to play a game at what amounts to be the home gym of the number two seed? The Husky bitches sure caught a break on this one.

Monday, March 27, 2006

March 27 - "Mid-Major" - Lets Go to the Dictionary

For the past three weeks, we have been hearing a familiar refrain from this country’s basketball pundocracy and it is driving me crazy. Guys, would you stop claiming that a “mid-major” hasn’t made it to the Final Four since the tournament was expanded to 64 teams. That simply is not the case unless you consider the old Pacific Coast Athletic Association or the Atlantic-10 to be major conferences. Lest you forget, Vegas made the Final Four in 1987, 1990 and 1991 while Massachusetts made the Final Four in 1996. Sure, these were big teams, but they hailed from conferences that were clearly not major. Case in point - How is that Pacific is now called a “mid-major” because of its conference affiliation yet Vegas, who played in the same conference (precursor) is not? Folks, an etymologist will tell you that “mid-major” was conceived as a term to distinguish the power conferences from the others. That is it! As such, it is permissible to have great teams from “mid-major” conferences but for some reason, current pundits don’t understand that .My only explanation is that the term, as currently applied by guys like Nantz, only covers those teams that come from lesser conferences and were “invited” to the tourney as opposed to those that got automatic bids. Without such latitude, there simply is no way to claim that UNLV was not a mid-major. Sorry guys – just because a team is a monster during the regular season doesn’t mean the conference it plays in is anything other then sub-major. So while George Mason’s performance to date has been terrific, lets not go over-board and start claiming that no one from a smaller conference has ever done this before. The only difference is that in prior years, big fish from small ponds moved on while this year, we had a little fish from a small pond beat the number one team in the country. Sure, there is a difference, but at the end of the day, none of the fish we are talking about came from big lakes.

Here is a great line from Venerable Verne yesterday. After concluding with his partner that this tournament has been the “best ever,” Verne slapped this on the tape: “it has been a privilege to be a part of it.” That’s funny, I can’t recall seeing Verne out on the court, pacing the sidelines or selecting the teams. Message to Verne: you are an announcer, which is only one very small step above viewer on the participation food chain.

That George Mason game was incredible yesterday and this comes from a guy who tries pretty hard to moderate his use of superlatives. I gotta admit – if it comes down to George Mason and UCLA next Monday, I will be a bit torn. I love this Mason team. They are feisty, balanced, gutty and now believe they can win. Who’s to say they can’t? Certainly not Jim Calhoun, who was surprisingly gracious after watching his incredibly over-hyped Huskies go down 36 hours later then they should have. Florida is dangerous but I think Mason actually has more skill then the Gators. Are you telling me that Yannick’s kid has more skill then Will Thomas? No fucking way. That tennis player can move, but in terms of basic ball skills, Thomas beats that Gator 6-2, 6-4. I actually like Mason in this game. I know most are now scurrying for position on the gator bandwagon, but I’ll play the contrarian for one more round.

UCLA set back basketball by fifty years on Saturday night. That wasn’t just ugly. It was downright disgusting and there are some who think Ben Howland should perhaps be tried under the Geneva Conventions. Basketball is supposed to flow and have at least some sense of rhythm but none of that was on display at the O-rena on Saturday night. Instead, we got some mugging, a whole lot of assault and a borderline rape. Hey, as a Bruin diehard, I’ll take it, but I will concede it lacked style points. My advice to Howland – hire an offensive coordinator in the off-season because it’s clear that you don’t have a clue how to design an offense that generates good shots. Having Jordan Farmar dribble out the clock and then rush a shot looks a lot more like a prayer than an offense to me. Farmar is simply not that kind of player and it’s BH’s fault for putting him consistently in positions that he can’t handle. He made just one shot on Saturday and that wasn’t much better then Thursday against Gonzaga. By the way, for those of you on the East Coast who don’t stay up late for UCLA Thursday night action, this is not the first time this season that the Bruins have struggled offensively. It’s been a grind all year, but hell, if the Ravens won without any offense, who’s to say this group of Bruins can’t do the same thing.

Where all those Big East megaphones? Eight teams in – Eight teams out! Two number ones – GONE! And instead, we have two teams from the SEC, one from the Little-10 and one from the Colonial – ain’t life grand? By the way, everyone is squawking about how great this tourney has been but no one is mentioning how the ratings are way off last year. WAY OFF! Its funny, when the Olympics turned up soft numbers, everyone said its because the product stinks but when everyone’s favorite doesn’t come through, the outcry is barely heard. One reason for the decline – the Big-10 had three teams in the final eight last year (Illinois, Wisky, Mich State) and none this year. It probably didn’t help that UNC and Kentucky, two followed teams, made the comparison to last year very difficult.

Who has worse teeth – Stephen Ames, who won this week’s TPC or Ed Bradley of CBS 60 Minutes? Ames should just knock those out and start from scratch while someone has to tell Ed he can’t go on the air without his fake bi-cuspid. It was a bit ironic that last night, you had Ed, who is missing a few key incisors, interviewing a guy who has more teeth than any human mouth can handle.

Jeff Bagwell now says his career might be over. That begs the question – is Jeff’s house the last stop on the Pony Express? The memo saying Bags was busted went out in 2004 so how come he is just getting the message now? Bags in the HOF? Very questionable, but if I had a vote, I would say no by a hair. JB had big power numbers while playing in a bad park for most of his career, but his Ks were high and most of his damage was done in this questionable era of elevated stats. 1994 is what makes it tough for me. Bags had a monster year going before the strike and that is a confounding factor. Regardless of whether he should go to Cooperstown, I sure wish Lou Gorman hadn’t traded Bags in 1990 for Larry Anderson.

New Rule – you trade can’t trade your 25th guy for the 25th guy on another baseball team. As such, if I were the commissioner of baseball, I wouldn’t let the Juan Cruz for Brad Halsey trade go through. Guys, why bother. Rule 5 is one thing, but lets do away with this other garbage. Why clutter the daily transaction wire with such pollution? Not even the desperate roto guys care about this crap. Curious enough, why is it that ESPN’s Buster Olney wasn’t out this morning with a long and detailed analysis of this blockbuster? Two possible reasons – 1) his mom died and he didn’t have the energy; 2) More likely, one team involved didn’t come from New England so there was no reason to lavish inordinate attention on the transaction. In case you couldn’t tell – Buster and I had words last week

So Alfonso Soriano is now a hero because he showed up and played left field? This kind of reminds me of that Chris Rock line where some fathers want kudos because they don’t beat their kids. Sorry Alfonso – you get nothing for showing up at work and doing what your manager says.

I have been struck over the past few days over how much affection Yankee fans still have for Alfie. ESPN was soliciting comments on this whole mess the other day and there were more then a handful of comments coming in from New York supporting Mr. Sensitive. Additionally, Buster Olney, whose Yankee credentials are impeccable, vigorously defended Soriano in a column last week, arguing the misunderstood two-bagger is a great guy who never should have been put in this spot. Lastly, a fair amount of the calls coming into WFAN over the past few days have been complimentary of Soriano as both a player and a person. Do we need to break down the numbers even further for this clan?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

March 22 - Vinatieri Vacates While Nation Vents

The story that has Patriot Nation talking this morning involves the departure of kicker Adam Vinatieri to the Indianapolis Colts. Lest you haven’t been paying attention, the Pats have had a very peculiar (some would say horrific) off-season where Super Bowl stalwarts Willie McGinest, David Givens, and Vinatieri were respectively jettisoned, abandoned, and discarded. The McGinest move was a bit tough to swallow since this is a guy who may someday have his face on Mt. Patsmore. Nonetheless, Willie had aged and therefore his release could be justified to all but the most sentimental. In the case of Givens, the Pats faced an entirely different set of facts. On one hand, the former seventh round pick had morphed into a very capable and clutch NFL receiver. But on the other hand, some in the league were overly-enamored with Givens and willing to pay him as if he had made a couple trips to Honolulu in recent years. While difficult to swallow, his departure could be justified under the auspices of fiscal prudence. But the case for Vinatieri’s departure seems more elusive. Here was a guy who has been absolute nails for this organization. Everyone knows about the snow game and the two Super Bowl clinchers, but there was more on AV’s resume. How bout the time in the 2003 playoffs when he nailed a super-clutch forty-yarder in arctic conditions against Tennessee? People forget that one but it was every bit as important as the one he nailed three weeks later in Houston. This guy’s importance to the Pats SB Trifecta cannot be minimized. He was Doctor Death in the eyes of opponents. The only difference between AV and Mariano Rivera is when V runs on the field, the loudspeakers don’t play Metalica

So what went wrong? Why was Vinatieri allowed to seek out greener pastures? Well, it seems like it all came down to money. The Pats are $20 Million under the cap and could have easily afforded to either franchise him or lock him up for three years. They chose to do neither and I believe they have made a mistake, and perhaps a very material one. Listen, AV has shown some wear of late. He is a bit short off the tee and there was that big miss in Denver to close out the season. I understand all of that but this is not a guy who was going to break the bank and the alternatives don’t seem all that appealing given the potential savings. After all, is two million a lot to spend for a hammer that can close out games, particularly in January? If you are undecided, why don’t you ask Herm Edwards or Tony Dungy that question since both were recently eliminated in playoff games decided by missed kicks. I hate to say this, but the Pats now run the risk of becoming the 1999 Red Sox where Rod Beck was asked to nail down games. Sorry guys, it didn’t work then and I am concerned that it won’t work for the Pats.

With Vinatieri now gone, there are many within Patriot nation whose faith in the Belichek regime has been shaken. “In Bill We Trust” has been replaced in some circles by “Is this Guy Losing It?” I think the answer may be somewhere in between. Listen, BB is obviously a sage, but I think his unwavering insistence on getting a market discount has come back to haunt the organization. While some have taken less money to stay (Vrabel, Bruschi, Brady), it seems that this regime’s conservative fiscal policy has rubbed some the wrong way. Moreover, it also appears to have scarred off some free agents who are not fond of laying money on the table. It strikes me that BB is a bit like a highly disciplined value investor (think Buffet), in that he has an idea in his mind of what fair value is and there is now way he is ever going to pay above that price. Well, you know what sometimes happens to investors like that – the market never hits their bid and they miss great opportunities by a matter of pennies. Discipline is one thing, but at some points in time, this organization must come to grips with the fact that it has to pay market prices once in a while. The Globe’s Mike Reiss echoed my thoughts this morning when he said, “I think there comes a point where you need a "statement" type of contract that shows you're not afraid to take care of deserving players and the Patriots could have done that with Vinatieri, a 10-year veteran who has made some of the most clutch kicks in team history.” It will be interesting to see how this all shakes out at Gillette. The Pats core is basically intact, a handful of key injuries have healed, the team still has a bunch of financial flexibility and a deep draft lies ahead. That being said, this is a club that has a few more holes today then it did when it walked off the field in Jacksonville thirteen months ago.

Quick Hits:

I gave Albany little shot at beating Connecticut last Friday, but for a brief moment there, I thought the Danes might have a little mojo working in their favor. Why the inclination? Well, on the day that former DePaul coach Ray Meyer passed, what would be more appropriate then having a number one seed lose in the NCAA tourney. Lest you have forgotten, Meyer once lost three consecutive opening round games in the NCAA tourney as a number one seed. The big difference is that when Meyer lost, the tourney was smaller and therefore DePaul lost its games after enjoying a first round bye. Regardless of this technicality, I will always remember Meyer for those three loses to UCLA, St. Joes and Boston College. In particular, that loss to St. Joes was an absolute stunner, as Jim Lynam’s Hawks knocked out a team with both Mark Aguirre and Terry Cummings. If a team like that could lose to a little school from Philly, who’s to say this UCONN team couldn’t have lost last Friday to Albany.

I find this story concerning Steve Alford interesting for two reasons. First, what did this guy do to turn off Indiana? 2) Why would he consider leaving Iowa for Missouri – that strikes me as a lateral (at best). With Alford out of the picture, who are the two guys under consideration for the job in Bloomington? Is Randy Whitman involved? Zeke? Beilein? This is a huge job and I am a bit surprised that the search has been kept under wraps and is already in the bottom of the seventh. .

Anyone notice that during the opening round of the tourney, we had the Bruins playing the Bruins and the Wildcats taking on the Wildcats? This week, we got a Huskies going up against the Huskies. Somebody needs to call the guys at Elias to see what the tourney record is for nickname on nickname crime.

Eighth and Ocean was very solid last night as one of the twins found out that here acne was ruining her modeling career. After being scolded for showing up at a casting for models with top-shelf complexions, the blotchey Sabrina absolutely broke down in an MTV instant classic.

We got a new Lost on tonight – curious to see if Fox reciprocates and someone from 24 shows up on the island tonight. Is it possible that President Palmer shows up as Walt’s real father? Nine Meyers jumps over from the Others and starts up with Sayid?

Do these numbers sound right – there is a AP story out of Iraq this morning chronicling an insurgent attack on a police station. Sixty gunmen attacked the station, the U.S. military responded and a two-hour firefight ensued. At the conclusion, four policemen were dead, five were wounded, fifty gunmen were captured but none of the insurgents were listed as killed or wounded. These numbers aren’t even remotely credible. Do they honestly expect me to believe that these guys fought each other for two hours, no insurgents were injured and then fifty of them gave up? What is this – paintball? Did we capture their flag? I realize that some stories coming out of Iraq are poorly reported, but much of blame lies at the feet of Iraqi and U.S. officials who can’t be relied upon to tell anything close to the truth.


Bronson Arroyo had a terrific exit interview with the Boston press corps the other day and I actually found myself a bit sad after re-reading the excerpts. In today’s day and age, where guys are bolting “disrespectful” organizations over a few million dollars, Arroyo truly wanted to stay in Boston and proved it by recently signing a below-market contract. So how did Boston repay Bronson? Well, Theo Epstein turned around and exiled his band-mate to red state hell. That is a bit like Van Halen trading David Lee Roth to a Christian rock band in Topeka, right after Roth turned down a gig to front Motley Crue. Despite the banishment, Bronson took the high-road on the way out of town and made no mention of being mistreated or disrespected by management. Clearly, Bronson didn’t read the same “How to Burn Bridges While Leaving Boston” book that guys like Johnny and Nomar have committed to memory. Both Bronson and D Lowe often drove me crazy when they were on the mound for the Sox, but each seemed like a good guy and each left Boston as professional. The same can’t be said for those other two clowns.

Staying with Arroyo, here is a money quote from an idiot who feels sorry for his old teammate. Likening Arroyo’s situation to his own, Johnny Damon said “I bought a house that I could not afford at the time in Boston because they said ‘We’re going to keep you. We’ll get something done real soon.” This supposed conversation occurred after the 2004 World Series, which was three years into Damon’s four-year/32M dollar contract. How can a guy who had just earned $24M, claim to have been hoodwinked into buying a house he couldn’t afford? What kind of house did he buy – the Kennedy’s Cape Compound? If I had a nickel for every idiotic thing this guy has said over the past year, I could go to the movies, snatch up a jumbo combo and still have money to cover the cab home.

Is it me or does it seem to be a stretch to guarantee $18.5 million for a guy who has registered just 21.5 sacks in five NFL seasons. I know the Hawks felt like a jilted lover and needed to go shopping after losing Steve Hutchison, but did they have to turn around that spend all that money on Julian Peterson? I know Peterson is a highly regarded player who has cover skills, but isn’t there a rule in the NFL that only linebackers who can rush the passer make big money? In Seattle’s defense, having Peterson play alongside Lofa Tatupu gives the Hawks an awful lot of speed in their second line of defense. They may be small, but those two are quick. With Peterson getting 18.5, what is Levar Arrington going to get? Better yet – what the hell is Richard Seymour going to pull out of the Pats? Now I know why the Pats have been quiet this off-season – they will have to fork over Brady money to extend Seymour. Ouch.

I may be in the minority here, but I don’t think the Jets got enough for John Abraham. It wasn’t exactly a seller’s market, but to only get the 29th pick for Abraham seems a bit lite. Hey, Abraham has trouble staying healthy and he is a bit of a pussy, but he can rush the passer. You don’t often find guys at 29 who can do that.

I am getting real tired of all these guys, particularly Fat Ass at WFAN, who pray at the altar of Alfonso Soriano. Sorry guys – his numbers are way exaggerated and here are some examples:

2004 2005
Road BA .244 .224
Road Slugging .444 .374
Road OPS .735 .639
BA Bases Empty .265 .292
BA RISP .253 .235
BA RISP/2Outs .210 .181

The moral to the story is you got a real selfish guy whose numbers were hugely inflated at Ameriquest and a guy who does little damage with runners on base. How can you pay $10 million dollars to a recalcitrant who hits under .200 in the money spot? Oh, for those of you who think this guy is Mr. October, here is the government’s case against: Soriano is a .233 post-season hitter with just four bombs and 14 runs scored in 154 plate appearances. The government rests.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

March 21 - Sheff Being Sheff?

With Terrell Owens temporarily satisfied down in Dallas, the current title of “most insufferable and selfish clown” in sports probably goes to a surly slugger named Gary Sheffield. This guy just won’t shut up. Just two weeks ago, Sheff unleashed a patented tirade when it became apparent that the Yanks had no interest in picking up his bloated 2007 option prior to the beginning of the season. It seems the Yanks would like to see just a little bit more from Gump before they pay him thirteen million dollars to play a season from now. Sheff was eventually mollified by some kind and constructive words from his third grade teacher – Brian Cashman - but the afterglow wore off this weekend when Gump complained that he never felt comfortable in New York because he is constantly being asked to prove himself. Poor Gary. First he self-negotiates a contract that is worth ten percent less then he was led to believe and then he is told that he actually may have to put in three solid years in order to get paid for a fourth. This guy just can’t catch a break.

Somebody with some sense and body armor has to pull this guy over and explain to him that $13 million dollar options don’t get routinely rubber-stamped for old guys whose numbers have declined the past two years. And in this case, the numbers don’t lie. In 2003, Sheff, having been roofed by Barry during the off-season before, had a monster year – hitting .330, with 39 bombs and an OPS (on base percentage plus slugging) over .1000. In 2004, the average came in 40 points, while his OPS sank by a dollar. Yankee apologists explained the correction by arguing all summer that Sheff was bothered by a shoulder problem, but that shoulder problem was supposedly fixed after the 2004 season and yet Sheff’s numbers came in once again during 2005. Sure, he still jacked 34 bombs in over 580 at bats, but he scored fewer runs, had fewer extras and his OPS fell under .900. The last time Sheff’s OPS was this low, he was playing in the spacious confines of Florida and Monica L was trying out presidential cigars. So that brings us to 2006. The bet here is Gary knows he is slowing and he is watching 2003 fade fast in the rearview window. The drugs that comforted his quads and shoulder are now outlawed and his lightening-quick hands are not quite as quick as they once were. On top of that, Gump now knows his option is in play and he is starting to perhaps press just a bit. After all, Sheff is just 2-24 this spring and it seems plausible that this insecure clown is just a bit concerned that he isn’t going to make it to the finish line where $13 million awaits. Instead, he may be re-routed to a separate line where the banner reads: WELCOME GUMP - how does 2/19M (4 deferred) with a team option for 2009 sound? Some Yankee locals completely dismiss such talk by plagiarizing Boston-speak and stressing Sheff is just being Sheff. When it comes time to play ball, this camp argues Sheff will hit. He always has and he always will, so the story goes. Well, I for one don’t think the story reads so well with the addendum on steroids and the new chapter on life after 37. I am still a couple of chapters from the end, but the story I am reading doesn’t feel like it’s going to have a warm and cuddly ending.

Some quick hits:

It must be that time of year – once again, the media can’t help itself from claiming that the upsets in this year’s NCAA tourney are somehow historically anomalous. Sorry guys – you are wrong. It’s all in the numbers. This year, we lost only six seeded teams in the opening two rounds, none of which were top seeds. As such, this was actually a fairly lite year as far as upsets go. If you don’t believe me, check your facts. Over the past twenty or so tourneys, we generally lose between six and eight seeds during the opening weekend. It was seven in 03 and 04, while it was eight last year. If you want carnage, go back to 2000 when nine seeds went down before the regionals. The same held true in 1990 and 1986. So lets save all the talk of how the tourney has changed so much over the years. Upsets have always been a part of this party. Sure, some new trends have seemingly increased parity in the game, but the tourney is still its same old self. .

Kudos to the Japanese for winning the WBC! It was probably the biggest win for Japanese baseball since those 13 year-olds beat the Bears in a sandlot at the end of BNB III. All you naysayers were wrong – this tourney had plenty of juice and it is probably here to stay. I actually am a bit disappointed the Cubans didn’t win. Such a win would have triggered an earthquake in South Florida and nothing pleases me more then seeing those jerkoffs foam at the mouth. But I am wondering – with the score 10-6 in the ninth, how come the Cubans didn’t let the Beard pinch hit. Talk about a big moment that people would be discussing around the water cooler this morning. “You see Castro lean out and slap that two-strike change to left? I gotta hand it to that old son-of-a-bitch, he is one tough out!”

Can BH Kim get anyone out in the ninth inning? Anyone at all? First it was the Yankees in 2001. Then it was the rest of major league baseball and now the Japanese. Who’s next? The North Koreans in a friendly game in the DMZ? I can hear it now: “here’s the pitch from Kim. Roh drills a long fly ball to left, back, back, its in the mine field, Home Run North Korea and with that the North Koreans have won the right to join the world’s nuclear club.” With his stellar track record, I wouldn’t let Kim close out the Pizza Hut celebrity slow pitch game, let alone a hardball game that meant something.

What is the NCAA doing hosting a Women’s Basketball Regional in Bridgeport Connecticut? Was the armory in Fall River taken next weekend? How bout the VFW Hall in Scranton? Am I missing something here? Perhaps there is a big lesbian community in Bridgeport that I don’t know about? If not, how did BP steal this show away from beautiful Hartford?

We have had a great little run in 24 the past few weeks. Lot of deaths at CTU, including two of my personal favorites, Tony Almeida and Edgar Stiles, but the show has pressed on like an aging champion not quite ready to hang them up. Listen, this show jumped the shark at least a season ago, but I am still there every Monday night. I do like the fact that Desmond from Lost made an appearance last night. So that’s where he ran off to – the German intelligence service. He has got to be furious at the move Jack pulled. Can you even program a memory chip to self-destruct? Is that a new Toshiba offering? Come to think of it, I have so much to say on this episode of 24 that I may bring back my Nina Meyers blog.

Staying on TV for a minute – check out the new MTV show 8th and Ocean (Tuesday’s at 10:30). If you like Laguna Beach, you’ll love Ocho and Playa. The recipe – how models struggle with their beauty in a shared apartment down in South Beach. With those ingredients, it’s a slam-dunk. Last week, we had one of the girls attend a meeting hosted by an organization called, Models for God. I think tonight we get the episode where one gal is told that her acne may get in the way of a successful career in front of the camera. This could go directly into the MTV Hall of Fame. Kudos to creator Liz Gateley for coming up with another blockbuster that satisfies my thirst to re-live my early twenties.

Worst thing about the NCAA Tourney: No Survivor for three weeks. We’re at the merge folks – its time to start paying attention. My early money is on Sally, although Terry will be tough to take out. For my long shot, I’ll go with Shane. He’s a good athelete who seems to be in deep trouble but I can see him flipping the game. And he’s a certifiable psycho and its about time one of those gets into the winners circle.

I like this preview for the new Fox show – Unanimous. People stuck down in a bunker and they can’t get out until they all agree to give one person a bounty of loot. This has potential.

How can the Miami Dolphins be in on every major free agent on the market? The last time I checked, the Dolphins had minimal cap room to play with, yet everywhere I look, the fish are pursuing high-end free agents. Julian Peterson, Kerry Collins, Levar Arrington, Ty Law – the beat goes on. How is this possible, particularly after the Fish have already spent a considerable amount of money this off-season? Is it possible that the Fish have become the AFC version of the Washington Redskins? Perhaps the Dolphins, buoyed by their strong finish, think their future is now and its time to go for it. Well, if that is the case, why did the Dolphins trade for a QB who may not be ready in 2006? I guess this is what happens when you hire a GM whose resume is highlighted by a stint with the Saints and a stint in Bristol where he was often asked to share his thoughts on fantasy football. I wonder if Saban ever calls up his friend in New England and asks: “how do I get one of those Scott Pioli’s?”

It went un-reported, but Bode Miller actually won the final Super-G of the World Cup season last Friday. This isn’t exactly timely, but this scribe thinks Bode was unfairly buried at the Olympics by a media corps that has no idea what the sport of skiing is all about. Is Bode a clown? YES! Does he sometimes say idiotic things? ABSOLUTELY! Is he a disgrace and a choke artist? No way! First of all, Miller has been skiing on a bad knee all year. Secondly, this is a guy who won the biggest title in ALL of skiing in 2005 – the FIS World Cup Combined. That is the top of the sport. PERIOD. The Olympics is big, but this guy had already won the Super Bowl. Ask any skier what they would prefer and 98 out of 100 will say the WC Combined over an Olympic gold. Sure, Miller had a disappointing Olympics, but that doesn’t mask the fact that he has enjoyed incredible success in his sport. Sorry to disappoint, but this guy is the most accomplished skier in U.S. History, and that was before this ski season kicked off last November in Lake Louise. Like Soccer, Tennis and Road Cycling, the biggest win in Skiing does not come at the Olympics but the press corps lost track of that fact when it conflicted with their anti-Miller headlines. It is too bad because as Miller showed last Friday, he is still at the top of his sport, even on one bad knee.

Whatever happened to Donyell Marshall? I was checking out some stats the other day and stumbled upon these: In 26 MPG, Donyell is averaging just nine points a game on THIRTY-EIGHT percent shooting. When did Donyell get his advanced degree in masonry? 38%? If he finishes cold, Marshall could end the season with a lower number then the President. And if that number doesn’t shock you, try this one on for size. This month, Donyell is averaging under five a game while playing 20 mpg’s. Could this guy still start for his alma matter? Is it possible that fellow Husky Cliff Robinson might outlast Marshall in the NBA?

Anyone notice that Darko has a pulse down in Orlando. I wouldn’t go crazy just yet, but DM has blocked 16 shots in his last four games for the Magic. This just may turn out to be a good deal for the magic.

The Holic is praying that Frank Robinson does something dramatic to punish Alfonso Soriano - the latest in a series of ass-clowns exported from Texas to Washington D.C. Soriano, this week, lived up to his selfish word when he refused to take up position in left field. It seems the kid who embarrasses himself everyday at second is just a bit concerned that his play in left will end up looking like a SNL skit gone awry. I haven’t seen balls this big since I caught a Peter North film last month. Anyways, regardless of what he might say about embarrassing himself, Soriano won’t budge because he doesn’t want to hit free agency next year as an outfielder where his over-hyped offensive skills might be less appreciated and less rewarded. In other words, he thinks his payday will come as a two-bagger and hell if he is going to move for anyone. That’s the spirit Alfie. Way to highlight your arrogance and stellar character on the eve of free agency. Who in the Capitol is advising this guy – somebody from the Vice President’s Office?

In light of Soriano’s intransigence, Robinson is considering “disqualifying” him, meaning he won’t get paid and he won’t accrue MLB service time. Such a designation would keep Soriano from becoming a free agent next year and perhaps make him the early favorite to win the 2008 Comeback Player of the Year Award. Now a DQ is unlikely to come to fruition, but with the stubborn Robinson, anything is possible, and I, for one, am rooting for the Robby-Style DQ. As for Soriano, I am not so sure he will get his payday as either an outfielder or second baseman, AS is a guy who was completely exposed in the 2003 ALCS and hasn’t been the same since. Check it out – in 2004, his OPS was just .735 away from the driving range in Arlington. Last year, his road OPS was a Belhorn-esque .640. This is a guy who slugged nearly 300 points higher at his comfy home then on the road. Guys, he is a creature of home cooking. You put him in a normal park, let alone a cavern like RFK, and he hits .260 and slugs .450. Not bad, but nothing close to the numbers he produced before pitchers found out he will chase anything in the park – except lazy fly balls hit to him out in left field.

Here were my initial thoughts on the trade yesterday that brought the Sox Wily Mo Pena for Bronson Arroyo: “This Arroyo trade is Asinine! Hey BA ain’t much, but he’ll give you innings and a load of quality starts. Last year, I thought I was being generous when I called Willie Mo the ‘worst prospect in baseball.’ Here is the money stat – Pena’s OPS outside of Cincy last year was .707. For some reason, it was also very low at night, which could be a problem in this era where most games tend to start after the sun goes down. So basically the Sox traded a guy who will give you 200 innings and 20 quality starts for a guy who struck out 116 times in 331 plate appearances, can’t hit on the road or after 7:30 P.M. You talk about a specialty player, Pena was brought in to face lefties on Patriots Day and Sunday’s – provided Boston isn’t playing in the ESPN night game.” Well, eighteen hours later, I have tempered my disgust as it now occurs to me that this guy does hit lefties and with Beddard, Kazmir, Lilly, Johnson, Chacin, and Ryan in the East, a lefty killer is not such a bad thing. Moreover, the guy supposedly had a nice winter and its possible that with some more seasoning, Wily Mo could become a player and cheap insurance in the event that Trot Nixon breaks down again or splits after the season. Nonetheless, I still believe the Sox erred by trading Arroyo when they did. This guy is a valuable chip that will become more valuable the moment another contender losses a starting pitcher. Had the Sox waited a few weeks, I believe Arroyo could have fetched more. And with it now looking like Mike Lowell will be a debacle at third, it strikes me that the Sox will need a right-handed third or first baseman in the not so distant future. As such, I would have held on to Arroyo until Lowell had been diagnosed and the market for pitching heated up.

It dawned on me yesterday that the New York Knicks this summer will probably have to write out a giant check to make this Larry Brown-Starbury problem go away. It has gotten to the point where one recalcitrant must go and the only way out, as I see it, is through a buyout. So what’s the damage? Well, in Starbury’s case, the Knicks are on the hook for $60 million with little chance for negotiation. In Brown’s case, they owe $40 million, but I am sure that is negotiable since even Brown would have trouble accepting such a large payout for just one year of work. Some might argue there is a third option – trading Starbury – but I don’t see that as remotely credible. The reason: there is not a team in the league that has enough bad contracts on hand to exchange with the Knicks. The problem here is Marbury’s contract is just horrific, even by NBA standards. Believe me – I checked. Kenyon Martin – not even close. Rahim – sorry guys, he no longer makes big money. Brian Grant – in the same ballpark, but his contract is expiring so the Lakers aren’t going to waste that asset on Stephon. I guess the Knicks could do something with Golden State for Baron Davis and Adonal Foyle, or with Philly for Allen Iverson, but why would either want the now disgraced Starbury? And beyond these deals, there really aren’t a whole lot of other options. Now, I am sure Larry Brown would be receptive to a Iverson deal, but could Philly GM Billy King keep his job if he made that trade? I think he would love to dump Iverson, but getting Marbury in return does little to improve his stock. Simply put, it is a shit show at the Garden and the only way out, as I see it, is via a certified check to one of the two stooges.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Holic Returns

Its been a while, but the Holic found some inspiration last night and decided to get a bit off his chest. Coming off a seven month layoff, the Holic is a bit rusty, but here goes.

Last year, I made a point of lampooning those who rely too heavily on the terms “bubble,” “Sweet Sixteen” and “Elite Eight” when discussing the NCAA tourney. The Holic’s thesis was these clichés had dumbed down tourney talk over the years and discourse should return to the glory days when teams advanced to regionals and regional finals. Well this year, I am going to take it one step forward and declare war on those who haphazardly throw around the word “run.” Lets get this straight – doesn’t the word “run,” when used as a noun, imply the traveling of some distance? After all, isn’t it a bit disingenuous to trot around the block and then tell a friend you got up early this morning and went for a “run?” The same theory applies in the gaming world. How can you possibly claim to have gone on a run in Blackjack when you won just two or three hands? You can’t and that is why most tired gambling stories don’t rely on the term unless a truly material winning streak came to fruition. So this begs the question: there seems to be some minimum standard used when “run” is applied as a noun in other settings, but how come this standard is thrown out the door when we are discussing the NCAAs? Sorry guys, UW-Milwaukee won two games last year – THAT IS NOT A RUN! UAB won two games in 2004 as a nine seed – again – NOT A RUN. Butler, a twelve seed in 2003, also won two games. Sorry guys - not a run. All three of these mislabeled “runs” were real nice opening weekends, but nothing more. Lets clean it up guys. In the future, lets try to be a bit more compliant with the terms and parameters of the English language. As such, I am proposing a new rule. From here on out, there is no using the term “run” for any top-24 team that doesn’t win a regional final. Secondly, I’ll bend on the lower-seeds and allow that “run” can be used to describe those teams that win three games and go down valiantly in game four. But be careful, I don’t want to hear someone a year from now talk in glowing terms about Wilmington’s great ‘run” when they got blown out by 37 in a regional final to Texas.

While we are tightening up our tourney talk, lets also do away with some of those old-age axioms that are supposed to predict and dictate tourney success. Lets see, according to conventional wisdom, a championship tourney team must have “senior leadership,” great backcourt play, a dominant big man, and be battle tested against a tough schedule. Sorry guys – there is no such thing as a full-proof axiom so lets just put these little babies in the drawer. Just in case you want some evidence before you vote to indict, I submit that UNC won last year without any seniors, UCONN won in 2004 with TALIK BROWN running the show, and Arizona won in 1997 with nothing up front. Sure, it helps having each of these ingredients, but history has shown that none is required to make the dish work.

Lets move on to some hoops and the selections:

With regard to the seeding, no real complaints from this dog: Sure, Tennessee is seeded too high and Hofstra probably deserved to go ahead of George Mason, but why should I be broken up that Florida State didn’t get in? I thought Jim and Billy really mounted a poor argument last night when they went after the committee for not giving the power conferences a couple more bids. Nantz, in particular, was armed with mountains of data, all of which was misapplied. His basic thesis was if you look at the ACC over the past five years, they have won a ton of tourney games and three titles. With such a record, how can Maryland or Florida State be passed over for George Mason or Bradley? What Jimbo failed to disclose is those games were largely won by the ACC’s big boys and not the doormats that got in late because their older brothers were allowed to bring a guest. The issue is not whether the ACC’s big boys should be invited - it’s whether or not to invite the kid brother. Is Maryland better then Air Force? Sure it is and the bet here is Florida State would probably take 7 out of 10 from Bradley. But at the end of the day, does it really matter who gets those final spots? The last couple at-large bids can sometime stir up a little commotion, but I can’t recall a double-digit seed going to the final four since LSU in 1986. The morale to this story is neither FSU or Maryland had very good years, neither had good schedules (FSU’s was terrible) and neither picked up the big conference tourney game it needed.

Some initial thoughts and observations:

I would love to see a UNCW v. Duke match up in round two. I can’t say I watched a whole lot of Colonial hoops this year, but I did watch the conference final and Wilmington can play. They got some size and their wing guys can shoot. I’m not looking forward to that Whiskey/Zona game at all – probably the two coldest at-large teams in the tourney right now. The bet here is Lute can't wait for this season to end and his cats play like dogs. Syracuse has a bit of mojo working right now, but I hate that second round match-up against LSU. If one five-seed must fall, Syracuse is probably the safest bet, but I actually think this might be the year the 5-12 jinx may be broken. As for first round upsets of seeded teams, I think Winthrop or South Alabama could perhaps put a blemish on one of those two SEC paper tigers.

I tend to agree with those pundits who argue that Minneapolis is the toughest region in this year’s tourney. I know Ohio State lost yesterday, but they strike me as the best two seed and I like BC a bunch in that four hole. On the flip side, Oakland appears to be the weakest bracket as Zaga is a mark, and both UCLA and Memphis came out of terrible conferences. My final four – I’ll take Texas, UCLA, UCONN and Ohio State. Side note on the UCLA homer pick – the last time the Bruins went to the Final Four – 1995 – they went through Oakland.

Who had a tougher month: Michigan Basketball or the Bush Administration? Before you answer, here are the facts. Since February 1, the Big Blue lost seven of nine, including a thirty pointer at Iowa, a 14 pointer at Division III Purdue, a 12 pointer at home against the headless Hoosiers and must have against Minnesota in the Big-11 conference tourney. At what point do we have to close the book on the Tommy Amaker experiment? Kids, it has been five years since the golden child was brought to Ann Arbor and he still hasn’t rung the register. Listen, in his defense, Amaker inherited a bag of shit, but five years is enough time to raise the dead and in this instance, the corpse still isn’t twitching. If I were the powers that be at Michigan, I would can TA and then fly down to Morgantown and scoop up John Beilien. Either that or bring back Roy Tarpley to coach.

In light of the Amaker debacle, I am starting to think the last thing any Duke fan should ever want is a Christmas present that says Johnny Dawkins is the new head basketball coach in Durham. Before any of you pogo hopping zealots chime in, lets first take a look at the Coach K dysfunctional coaching tree. Why don’t we start out in Missouri where a guy named Quin Snyder was run out of town for murdering an innocent and respectable program. Snyder didn’t just lose – he brought in a kid - Ricky Clemons - who slept with the chancellor’s wife. Moving on, we have Mike Brey up at Notre Dame who has quietly put together a three-year tourney drought in South Bend. What’s his excuse – the admission standards are too tough? Sorry Mike – Torrin Francis is on your watch. Not convinced? How bout Dave Henderson, the sixth man on Duke’s first NCAA Final Four team under K. He coaches at Delaware, where his Blue Hens were a blistering 9-21 this year. Things are only a bit better down at VCU where Duke grad Jeff Capel guided the Rams to a respectable sixth place showing in the Colonial Conference. With a coaching tree like this, Devil fans have to be just a bit concerned about the prospect that JD, or someone else from within the family, will someday be given the keys to the Cameron Caddy.

Caught a good kid’s flick yesterday called Miracle Dogs. It’s a fine tribute to the Springer Spaniel, a fine breed that has moved into my top-8 over the past year. Top-4 remain the Berner, the Newf, the Pyr and the 15-inch beagle but the Spaniel is right there nipping at the beagle. Also caught Open Water on Showtime the other night. It was better in the theatre, but I strongly recommend it. Made for just 50K, OW contains good suspense and a totally gratuitous full-frontal female nude shot. Some of the dialogue is a bit contrived, but it is well acted and the female lead (Blanchard Ryan) is a top-shelf cougar. By the way – her dad once ran the Flyers. And speaking of pucks, Slap Shot has been getting a run on Showtime this month. Not only is SS one of the most under-appreciated sports films of all-time, but it never got its due against the big comedies of the late 70’s. It might fall a bit short of Animal House and The Jerk, but I’ll take it over Stripes any day of the week.

The Holic wants to know who is the gal that sits next to Tyler Hansborugh’s father at every UNC game? Two questions: 1) Is she Tyler’s mom, girlfriend or sister; and, 2) Are those bombs real? If she is indeed his mom, the guys at MILF Hunter.com need to check on her availability. The bet here is there probably isn’t a guy on the UNC team that hasn’t had impure thoughts about Tyler’s whatever. Come to think of it, there probably isn’t a gal on UNC’s top-ranked women’s team that hasn’t either.

Next year, BC coach Al Skinner must recruit some kid named Hall because there is no way Forward John Oates should be allowed to graduate without some kind of band reunion. Speaking of names, my nickname for Georgetown forward Jeff Greene is The Agent. Not too obscure a reference so only a single point for the correct answer.

Speaking of nicknames – I am ascribing Go-Go to my boy Ryan Gomes up in Boston. The original Go-Go, was of course Ricky Gomez, the 8th man on Carver High’s White Shadow team, but Gomes is on a tear and nickname fits. In case you haven’t been watching, and it’s a fair assumption none of you have, Gomes has had a terrific month for the suddenly virile Celts. He had a double- double last night and for the month, he’s averaging 17 points and just under 8 boards per game. At this point, Go-Go is definitely the round two rookie of the year, although he looks like a long-shot to make the league’s all-rookie team unless his numbers accelerate from here.

I guess the World Baseball Classic is no big thing because if it were - there is no way Gayrod would have come through with yesterday’s big game winning hit. Count me among the small group who actually likes the WBC. I don’t really buy the injury thesis, the games have some juice, and I like running counter to the America-centric lemmings like Georgie S. I want the WBC to succeed but here is my Catch-22. If someone gets hurt, the naysayers will go crazy and, as a result, the WBC concept will be weakened. But, if some pitcher blows out his arm, it could serve as the catalyst Boston needs to shed Matt Clement. Call it Clement-22.

Has the statute of limitations on speaking ill of Kirby Puckett expired yet? Pucks was a hit machine on and off the field and because of the latter, he deserves little post-mortem reverence. Cheating on your wife is one thing – going Jack Nicholson and pursuing her with a chainsaw is another. Kudos to ESPN’s Colin Cowherd for slamming KP on a day when every baseball pundit in this country was suffering from either cowardice or selective amnesia.

Breaking news - John Cheney is poised to announce his retirement this morning. Its about time this nutjob hung them up. Prediction - today's eulogies (he didn't die -just retiring) will surely stress that Cheney was a great guy who did a ton for his kids. Save it - the guy was an insufferable clown. I've been short Cheney for years and don't see a reason to cover this morning. I'll have more on this later.

How can a year go by without the Washington Redskins going out and over-paying for a free agent wide receiver? Message to Dan Snyder – just because Antwan Randel El threw a TD pass in the Super Bowl doesn’t mean you have to pay him like a quarterback. $11.5 million guaranteed for the Arab Hoosier (Same as Edgerrin James got)? Are you serious? That isn’t a far cry from what Mushin Muhammad got last year and he was coming off a first team All-Pro year. This is the second year in a row where Washington chased a wide receiver off a Super Bowl champ – last year it was David Patten who got the big coin and he thanked Six Flags Snyder by producing twenty-two grabs in an injury-shortened season.

Well, I guess when you haven’t had a thousand yard rusher since Adrian Murrell in 1998; you should probably grab an elite back when he becomes available. That is just what the Arizona Cardinals did this weekend when they inked The Edge to a four-year deal. With two big receivers and James, it seems like Denny Green is trying to re-assemble the Colts out in the Desert. All they need now is to dump Warner and find a QB who truly wilts in big spots. How bout Gayrod?

The guys behind the Sopranos have some set of balls to make us wait two years for that crap. In the history of television, has anyone been less credible doing the “I’ve been shot and need 911” scene? On the bright side, I did like Christopher’s joke on how ironic it was that Lou Gehrig died from Lou Gehrig’s disease. An oldie, but certainly a goodie.