The Not So Lean Sox

So the Red Sox mgmt team has gone out and spent 106M of the Trust’s treasure on Julio Lugo and JD Drew. Just fucking great! I swear, other than that clown in the White House, Theo Epstein might be the dumbest motherfucker to have ever graduated from Yale. Come to think of it, I'm not sure the Jews are too thrilled to claim him either. Listen, Jews couldn't get into Yale for 200 years and Theo is just giving ammunition to those on the Board of Trustees who would like to see a return to the old admission policy. Lest you couldn’t tell, the half-Jew Holic didn't like these moves at all.

I guess I’ll start with Drew. First of all, these rednecks almost never work in Boston. Yes, Trot Nixon was from Dogpatch and he kind of worked but his dad is a doctor so Trot was hardly raised by Barney Fife. Drew on the other hand is straight cracker. This is a guy who matriculated in the redneck capital of Florida and balked at playing in Philly due to his concern that Pennsylvania no longer enforces the Fugitive Slave Act. So what does Theo decide to do? Why not bring this Valdosta boy way up North where it’s butt ass cold in April and people actually care when players under-perform. Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe Theo is privy to some merchandising data that suggests the Sox don't have a toehold down in Dixie and need a new ambassador. So just as Matsusaka is going to sell jerseys over in Tokyo, Drew is going to sell lids down in Tuskeegee. This one is not going to be pretty

Staying with Drew for a second. What did this guy do to deserve this $70M windfall? I’ll tell you - in roughly 500 at bats and 600 plate appearances, he hit .283 with 20 bombs and 100 RBI. His OPS? A nice .895. And that year merits $70M? If that is the case, what does this year merit - 441 at bats, .306 BA, 28 bombs, 87 RBI, OPS of .974.? Well, I’ll tell you what it netted Trot after the 2003 season. Try a three-year contract amounting to $19.5M. What the hell happened in the interim? I’ll tell you what happened. Theo took over and started misallocating resources all over the Fenway grass. This guy is a manic spender. One year he is "Mr. Fiscal Conservative," smartly keeping the buffet closed for Johnny Damon and the like. The next year, he is the Chairman of the Appropriations Committee, doling out largess to every half-ass project under the sun. Its only a matter of time before the honorable chairman bankrupts the nation.

Now Drew supporters will say JD can run a bit and throw a bit and hit a bit. That’s all true, but he’s never healthy, he’s surly, and last year he struggled against lefties and in pressure spots. That’s just what the Red Sox need – another guy who can’t rake lefties. I bet Eric Beddard and BJ Ryan, and Scott Kazmir are licking their chops over this one. Plus, look at his post-season numbers - 11 for 61! Did somebody say AROD? Listen, if Drew is healthy, he’s a pretty good guy to have as your fifth place hitter and god knows the Red Sox got zero production out of that hole last year. But $70M? Listen, for that kind of money, I’ll take a Drew, but I want the one who spells his name Druw.

Last point on Drew before we move on to Luge. Wasn't it just a year ago that this front office was saying that there was no corner outfield power in the organization so a guy like Wily Mo Pena was needed? The answer is yes so Theo, in all his wisdom, went out and traded a solid and inexpensive pitcher (who loved pitching in Boston) for a one-tool wonder named Wily Mo. So what do they do a year later? They go out and pay $70M to lock in some power for the next five years and offer the Seibu Linons $51.1 million for the rights to talk to a pitcher that is now needed to fill Bronson's spot in the rotation. IN otherwords, the Sox made a fifty million dollar mistake and then went and spent another seventy to correct it. So what are they now going to do with Wily Mo?. Well, if Manny isn’t traded, Wily Mo has no role in Boston whatsoever. Hell, maybe they can pawn him off on Jim Bowden who seems eager to get his prize back. If that is the case and the Sox can pry Chad Cordero loose, then I'll turn down the rancor. But if Wily Mo goes and little comes back, this Sox fan is a called strike away from waiting for Theo outside the Fenway parking lot.

So on to Lugo - let me get this straight - the Sox are paying 9M/yr for one shortstop and 3M/yr to Atlanta for another. So that is 12M - or roughly 50 percent more than NL ROY Hanley Ramirez would have made FIVE years from now. So here is the lowdown on Julio. He can run, he gets into counts, and he has a strong, but sometimes eratic, arm. But he strikes out a lot and he’s not a good hitter late or with two outs. J-Lu is hardly another J-Ro, but you sure couldn’t tell that from each player’s pay stubs this year. By the way, J-Lu is already 31 and had no extra base hits against the Yanks last year – welcome to Boston!

The way I see it, here is the moral to this story - NESN must have had a great year cause I now see the 07 payroll at 136M and the Sox still need a closer. Listen, things might still work out for the Sox if Drew stays healthy, Pena fetches Cordero or some other passable closer, Manny shows up this April, Varitek recovers half his game, Beckett grows tired of turning around so quickly, and Matsuaka turns into a nice import Wait, did I just catch myself doing a Peter Gammons impression. Jesus we’re fucked!

Last point – does anyone else out there aside from the Holic think the timing of the Jon Lester “I beat cancer” news was aimed in Scotty B's direction? "Listen Scott, we have our five for 06 if need be. So it’s either 4/32 or you client goes back to Japan for two years and you never rep a Japanese client again. Sleep tight".