Friday, December 08, 2006

Iraq, Gay Men in the HOF, and Baseball Lunacy

Just a quick thought on Iraq that struck me this afternoon - As difficult as it is to foresee any tribal reconciliation in Iraq, it seems just as implausible to conceive of any reconciliation occurring in THIS country until this President does the unthinkable: admit this fight has been woefully managed from the top and has resulted in a stinging loss. This is the admission that war critics demand before they can contemplate any support for a new presidential cleanup strategy. Think of it as the non-negotiable ransom that President Bush must pay before war critics will ever call off the dogs. Simply put, war critics want to see the post-game interview where the coach takes the loss unto himself and admits he called a bad game. Such accountability would forever sully Bush’s historical standing and therefore it is almost impossible to conceive, but without such an admission, reconciliation stands a better chance of succeeding in Iraq than it does here at home.

Is Cooperstown ready for a gay man because the way the press reports this relationship between Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite, it is pretty clear that the two-seam fastball Roger taught Andy has absolutely nothing to do with baseball. Jesus, who would have thought Roger Clemens would have so much in common with Andy Dick.

Gil Meche for $55 million dollars? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this year’s award for “most asinine general manager in baseball” goes to Dayton Moore. Please, would someone explain to me how a team, with a $50 million dollar payroll can justify spending 20 percent of its resources on a pitcher whose career ERA is four and two-thirds? This is a guy whose ERA last year was a tick above the league average which, by definition, makes him middling at best. 55 million dollars? Gil Meche? Just a guess, but with Mike Sweeney's contract expiring this year, my bet is the Royals have the early line of spending Sweeney's dough next Winter on either Paul Byrd or Matt Clement. With this signing, the Royals have firmly announced their intention to compete for the distinction of being the worst franchise in sports. Watch out Matt Millen, someone is gunning for you

Yesterday, I absolutely savaged my Red Sox for their JD adventure and I still believe that is a debacle in waiting, but at least JD can play when he is out there. The same can’t be said for a host of guys getting big money from teams that should have their head examined. Its too easy to pick on Jim Hendry of the Cubs cause he’s been an idiot for years and therefore the mega-deal for Soriano and the lotto ticket awarded to Ted Lilly are par for the course. But when did Bill Stoneman of the Angels lose his mind? Five years and $50 million for Gary Mathews Jr.? When did utility outfielders start winning multi-year contracts that confer eight-figure annual payouts? And across town, the Dodgers gave big money to a center fielder that I have long thought is one of the five most overrated players in all of baseball. I think Juan Pierre had four RBI at Memorial Day last year. FOUR! I realize that the going rate for everyday players has gone up, but Pierre and Mathews are barely everyday players. Fro my money, I’ll take Drew at 70 million over these other two caddies.

Just found this out – Dara Torres, a girl who I dated when I was in sixth grade, is planning to make another comeback and take a shot at making her fifth Olympic swim team, this time at the ripe age of 41. For those of you who are not familiar with Dara’s career, she won eight Olympic medals, four of which are gold, over a sixteen-year period that began in 1984 and culminated at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. She took Athens off but is now poised to make a run at Bejing and based on some recent white-hot performances; she stands a pretty good shot at making that team. Given her sport, where female swimmers generally peak in their late teens, Torres longevity is simply mind-boggling. And let me tell you, when she kissed me at that meet up in San Luis Obispo, I could have never imagined that I would draw a walk and reach first off a girl who would someday reach Olympic immortality.

Watched a little of that Nets/Suns game last night and let’s get this straight. Steve Nash is awesome! I was harboring some reservations before anointing SN as the best point guard of all-time, but if you back out Magic on grounds that he can’t be pigeon-holed as a true point, Nash is right there at the top of the list. You can no longer tell me that Nash has to take a back seat to Isiah or Stockton or Cousy. He’s got those two MVPs and if Amare can stay healthy over the next three seasons, there is no reason to believe Nash won’t pick up a ring one of these years. Marc Cuban can bitch at the NBA all he wants about that bad call that cost his Mavs a title, but he only has himself to blame since he was the one who let Nash go and had Nash still been in Dallas, Cuban would be wearing some extra jewelry.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Not So Lean Sox

So the Red Sox mgmt team has gone out and spent 106M of the Trust’s treasure on Julio Lugo and JD Drew. Just fucking great! I swear, other than that clown in the White House, Theo Epstein might be the dumbest motherfucker to have ever graduated from Yale. Come to think of it, I'm not sure the Jews are too thrilled to claim him either. Listen, Jews couldn't get into Yale for 200 years and Theo is just giving ammunition to those on the Board of Trustees who would like to see a return to the old admission policy. Lest you couldn’t tell, the half-Jew Holic didn't like these moves at all.

I guess I’ll start with Drew. First of all, these rednecks almost never work in Boston. Yes, Trot Nixon was from Dogpatch and he kind of worked but his dad is a doctor so Trot was hardly raised by Barney Fife. Drew on the other hand is straight cracker. This is a guy who matriculated in the redneck capital of Florida and balked at playing in Philly due to his concern that Pennsylvania no longer enforces the Fugitive Slave Act. So what does Theo decide to do? Why not bring this Valdosta boy way up North where it’s butt ass cold in April and people actually care when players under-perform. Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe Theo is privy to some merchandising data that suggests the Sox don't have a toehold down in Dixie and need a new ambassador. So just as Matsusaka is going to sell jerseys over in Tokyo, Drew is going to sell lids down in Tuskeegee. This one is not going to be pretty

Staying with Drew for a second. What did this guy do to deserve this $70M windfall? I’ll tell you - in roughly 500 at bats and 600 plate appearances, he hit .283 with 20 bombs and 100 RBI. His OPS? A nice .895. And that year merits $70M? If that is the case, what does this year merit - 441 at bats, .306 BA, 28 bombs, 87 RBI, OPS of .974.? Well, I’ll tell you what it netted Trot after the 2003 season. Try a three-year contract amounting to $19.5M. What the hell happened in the interim? I’ll tell you what happened. Theo took over and started misallocating resources all over the Fenway grass. This guy is a manic spender. One year he is "Mr. Fiscal Conservative," smartly keeping the buffet closed for Johnny Damon and the like. The next year, he is the Chairman of the Appropriations Committee, doling out largess to every half-ass project under the sun. Its only a matter of time before the honorable chairman bankrupts the nation.

Now Drew supporters will say JD can run a bit and throw a bit and hit a bit. That’s all true, but he’s never healthy, he’s surly, and last year he struggled against lefties and in pressure spots. That’s just what the Red Sox need – another guy who can’t rake lefties. I bet Eric Beddard and BJ Ryan, and Scott Kazmir are licking their chops over this one. Plus, look at his post-season numbers - 11 for 61! Did somebody say AROD? Listen, if Drew is healthy, he’s a pretty good guy to have as your fifth place hitter and god knows the Red Sox got zero production out of that hole last year. But $70M? Listen, for that kind of money, I’ll take a Drew, but I want the one who spells his name Druw.

Last point on Drew before we move on to Luge. Wasn't it just a year ago that this front office was saying that there was no corner outfield power in the organization so a guy like Wily Mo Pena was needed? The answer is yes so Theo, in all his wisdom, went out and traded a solid and inexpensive pitcher (who loved pitching in Boston) for a one-tool wonder named Wily Mo. So what do they do a year later? They go out and pay $70M to lock in some power for the next five years and offer the Seibu Linons $51.1 million for the rights to talk to a pitcher that is now needed to fill Bronson's spot in the rotation. IN otherwords, the Sox made a fifty million dollar mistake and then went and spent another seventy to correct it. So what are they now going to do with Wily Mo?. Well, if Manny isn’t traded, Wily Mo has no role in Boston whatsoever. Hell, maybe they can pawn him off on Jim Bowden who seems eager to get his prize back. If that is the case and the Sox can pry Chad Cordero loose, then I'll turn down the rancor. But if Wily Mo goes and little comes back, this Sox fan is a called strike away from waiting for Theo outside the Fenway parking lot.

So on to Lugo - let me get this straight - the Sox are paying 9M/yr for one shortstop and 3M/yr to Atlanta for another. So that is 12M - or roughly 50 percent more than NL ROY Hanley Ramirez would have made FIVE years from now. So here is the lowdown on Julio. He can run, he gets into counts, and he has a strong, but sometimes eratic, arm. But he strikes out a lot and he’s not a good hitter late or with two outs. J-Lu is hardly another J-Ro, but you sure couldn’t tell that from each player’s pay stubs this year. By the way, J-Lu is already 31 and had no extra base hits against the Yanks last year – welcome to Boston!

The way I see it, here is the moral to this story - NESN must have had a great year cause I now see the 07 payroll at 136M and the Sox still need a closer. Listen, things might still work out for the Sox if Drew stays healthy, Pena fetches Cordero or some other passable closer, Manny shows up this April, Varitek recovers half his game, Beckett grows tired of turning around so quickly, and Matsuaka turns into a nice import Wait, did I just catch myself doing a Peter Gammons impression. Jesus we’re fucked!

Last point – does anyone else out there aside from the Holic think the timing of the Jon Lester “I beat cancer” news was aimed in Scotty B's direction? "Listen Scott, we have our five for 06 if need be. So it’s either 4/32 or you client goes back to Japan for two years and you never rep a Japanese client again. Sleep tight".

Monday, December 04, 2006

Couple of thoughts on Michigan and Florida

Here are just a few of the Holic's thoughts on Florida’s selection over Michigan to play in the BCS Championship

Two arguments have been greatly overstated over the past week.

First of all, Michigan’s three-point loss at Ohio State was hardly a three-point loss. Sorry guys, back door covers make a difference on collection day but they mean nothing when it comes to comparative analysis. That was a 10-point game that was never in doubt and it could have been much worse had Ohio State not been so charitable. I also don’t think it helps that Michigan’s one big win came against a Notre Dame team that has been revealed as a dirty diaper. So Michigan’s resume basically amounts to a nice win at home versus Whiskey and a not-so-nail-biting loss at Columbus. I’d say this applicant doesn’t deserve the two spot but, then again, Dick Cheney never beat Whisky and it didn’t stop him from being named “number two.”.

Two, the SEC is the best conference in football, but the margin of difference is far less than that espoused by confederate and NASCAR apologists. Georgia stunk, Bama was worse, Arkansas won the West and got absolutely drilled at home by USC, South Carolina squeaked by Wofford and yet only lost by one to Florida, and nine of the twelve conference quarterbacks are bound for Canada or Daytona or Iraq or wherever dumbass rednecks go when their eligibility expires We hear this southern inferiority crap every year and every year the SEC goes out during the bowl season and proves its fallibility. For those of you who have trouble finding your ass with two hands, I’ll just remind you that last winter, Wisky whipped Auburn, Bama squeaked by Texas Wreck, Georgia was maimed at home by West Virginia and Florida hardly dominated Iowa. Best conference – yes, but this is hardly a case where the SEC is the AFC and the Big-10 is the NFC.

Some other thoughts . . . .

Who the fuck names or nicknames their kid Urban? Does he have a sister named Rural? By the way, is it true that in Latin, Urban means whinny bitch? I have had enough of this guy and the real hype is still three weeks away.

It’s just me, but I actually like the Florida Jaws theme song.

Has there ever been a “can’t miss” who has missed by a wider margin that Chris Leak. I’ll help you out and give you Ron Curry who was a top-10 basketball/football recruit at UNC who couldn’t play either sport, but Leak is pretty competitive so long as we keep this to just pigskin. This kid came out of High School as the next Vick but hardly anyone at that time would have guessed that the scouts meant Marcus. You back out Leak’s games against Southern Mississippi, Central Florida and Kentucky and this guy was a total drip.
I think Vandy coach Bobby Johnson should have been given the final say on who got the final BCS championship spot. His Commodores played both teams and just in case you’re too lazy to look up the results, Vandy lost by 20 at Ann Arbor and lost by six at home to Florida. So Bobby, what do you think?