March 29 - Funk Me? FUNK YOU!

I am still shaking my head in disbelief that Fred Funk was able to get up and down on 18 yesterday to win the Tournament Players Championship. The only guys on tour who are less clutch then Freddy are Len Mattice and Tom Lehman, meaning there was no reason to expect Funk to hold on. But despite a rather checkered resume in big spots, Funk managed to win the overrated TPC despite some tense moments at 17 and 18. First, Funk hits a great shot into the island green on 17, but three puts from 20 feet to leave the door open for a number of players to get even. His second putt was no more then six feet and it was classic Funk all the way. This guy is a “lights out” putter until it matters, but with cash on the line, he becomes about as dependable as Seve is off the tee. So what does the Funkster do next? Well, Freddy steps up to 18 and drills a ball down the left-hand side that leaves him in a perfect spot - 175 yards out with a one shot lead. But then, for reasons unexplained, Funk proceeds to short-side a six iron into a greenside bunker. He has a ton of green to work with, but Funk, for some reason, tried to be the hero and knock it stiff. Somebody has to explain to this guy that you don’t earn extra money for winning by additional strokes. Anyways, given Fred’s history (PGA at Hazeltine, 2004 Ryder Cup), I thought there was absolutely no way he was going to get up and down from the beach. But the old bastard proved me wrong as he hit a decent sand shot to about five feet and then rolled one in for the victory. With the win, Funk earned a huge payday and I believe a five year exemption on the PGA tour. Great, this guy is now exempted until his 54th birthday. Given this fact, I am willing to bet that someday Fred becomes the oldest player in PGA history to blow a four shot Sunday lead.

In case anyone missed it, ESPN columnist Bill Simmons took a huge swipe at ESPN color commentator Dick Vitale the other day. I didn’t think the suits at ESPN tolerated civil wars within the company, but I guess Simmons was given a special dispensation to call Vitale out for an egregious call that the “godfather of Crap” made several years back. Here is the setting. In a column released yesterday, Simmons poked fun at how CBS announcers have tried to portray Duke as some kind underdog story this year because they are not quite as loaded as in years past. This has been a theme of Vitale’s all year long. Well, Simmons had the temerity to scan the ESPN archives and dig out a piece that Vitale ran back in October of 2001. The article claimed that year’s senior class was “as good as any [Coach K] has brought into Duke. The article is terrific as it heaps piles and piles of praise on top of futures stiffs like Shavlik Randolph and Sean Dockery. The moral to Vitale’s piece, (http://espn.go.com/dickvitale/vcolumn011002ShavlikRandolph-more.html), was Duke had an incoming class that would ensure its future for another four years. Mind you, Vitale had probably never seen any of these high-school kids play a game in person, but he felt at ease penning a piece lauding their unbelievable talents. Well, if these kids are so great, then how come we are getting this story three years later that Duke was undermanned this year? The reason is that it helps buoy the status of Coach K and that is something that Vitale and his peers at CBS never shy away from. Kudos to Simmons for highlighting this tremendous nugget and revealing Vitale for what he is: an annoying analyst who has a transparent agenda and tends to speak out his ass when it comes to matters of recruiting. I am surprised this piece made it past the editors at ESPN and if I had to guess, Simmons has been warned.

Last week, I penned a piece about Bobby Knight that was a bit critical of how some in the national media portray the Texas Tech coach. My piece appeared before Knight’s Red Raiders lost in the regional semi-finals last week and it specifically railed on Knight’s very limited accomplishments over the past dozen years. Subsequent to that game, I have heard a few Knight apologists claim that Bobby cannot be held accountable for his recent resume because he has had to make do with very little talent, first at Indiana and now at Texas Tech. This may be the lamest excuse I have heard since that freak in San Francisco claimed that Twinkie consumption led him to kill Mayor George Moscone. The last time I checked, player recruitment is the responsibility of the head coach. In fact, securing talented players is among the primary responsibilities of a coach. On this front, Knight has been failing for years. He simply cannot get people to play for him. And who is to blame for this? Some of Knight’s punk defenders try to argue that it is nearly impossible to get talented kids to play all the way out in Lubbock, but that is no excuse at all. Heck, coaches have been luring kids to places far worse than Lubbock for decades. If you doubt me, take a trip to Ames or Stillwater or Morgantown or Fayetteville one weekend. No, Lubbock isn’t an insurmountable problem. The real problem is Knight simply cannot fulfill half of his job description. I am not going to sit here and claim Knight cannot coach X’s and O’s, because that is asinine. But let’s get serious for a moment. Guys are winning in places with talent no greater than what Knight has in Texas. A perfect example is John Beilein at West Virginia. This guy took over a moribund program three years ago and turned in into a regional finalist. Bobby Knight cannot make such a claim. It’s time for some in the media to stop apologizing for Knight. He is stuck in Lubbock for a reason and that reason is he is an insufferable guy who couldn’t find a McDonalds All-American with a map in one hand and directions in the other. I still give Bobby an A for coaching, but that F in recruiting is weighing him down. Until he proves he can overcome this failing grade, he won’t receive anything higher than a B from this columnist.

It looks like Jose Contreras has been unable to shake the problems that plagued him in New York, and that is not good news for the Chicago White Sox. In case you haven’t been paying attention and there is really no reason why you would, Contreras is having a horrific spring. His ERA is over 7 in 19 innings and he got bombarded the other night, giving up six earned runs in four and a third. As he did in New York, Contreras remains terrified to throw strikes and as a result, his walk totals remain staggering (15 in 19 spring frames). If Contreras cannot figure this thing out, and there is no reason to expect that he will, the White Sox will have to turn to rookie Brandon McCarthy – a phenom who got absolutely smoked the other night. With Contreras a huge question mark, the White Sox must now hope Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez can come through with some big innings. If he can’t, the South Siders have a real short staff and a long summer ahead.

Another former New Yorker who is having all sorts of trouble this spring is Al Leiter who took his inflated ego and insufferable personality down to Miami over the winter. This ass clown has given up sixteen runs in 20 innings this spring, while walking thirteen batters and hitting three. I have never been a fan of this egomaniac, mostly because it is almost impossible to sit through one of his 30 minute innings. For years, this guy has refused to get batters out in less then six pitches and that makes for some excruciating viewing experiences. Well, it seems nothing has changed down in Florida other then the fact that Leiter used to be fairly adept at working out of jams. If this spring is any indication, that skill was lost in the move. I am not sure Florida was counting on a ton from Leiter (12-13 wins and 165 innings sounds about right), but they cannot be pleased with his opening act. This is a legitimate NL contender, but that is contingent on Josh Beckett and AJ Burnett pitching up to their capabilities and Leiter doing a little more than walk every third batter he faces. If Leiter has finally gone bust, the Marlins have a little hole in their staff.

I know its just Spring Training, but it looks like Ichiro didn’t put down a bat over the winter. In case you hadn’t noticed, Ichiro is hitting .519 in 54 spring at-bats. I realize he is getting a lot of those at bats against minor leaguers, but .519 is a big number no matter who is throwing. People may forget this is a guy who banged out a record 262 hits last year, largely on the back of a monstrous second half. If he jumps off to a fast start, and given his spring there is no reason to expect otherwise, Ichiro may be looking at upping his record. Another Mariner enjoying a great spring is newcomer Adrian Beltre. This too is good news for the Ms since Beltre is notoriously known for being a slow starter. The Ms spent huge money on Beltre over the off-season and his bat is crucial for this lineup. With Ichiro setting the table and causing havoc on the bases, Beltre should see a few fastballs and get plenty of good run producing opportunities.

There is a rumor afoot, that the San Diego Chargers are trying to send backup QB Philip Rivers to San Francisco for the Niners number one pick in the NFL draft. The theory behind the move is that the Chargers are now comfortable with Drew Brees at quarterback and there is no longer any need for a high-priced backup. The move makes a ton of sense for San Fran since Rivers is considered to be a much better prospect than any quarterback available in this year’s draft. Plus, Rivers does come with at least a bit of NFL experience. Hey, I know he didn’t play, but he sat in on meetings for a year and that is basically all Tom Brady had done when he was thrown to the wolves in 2001. The move would put San Diego in the drivers seat come draft day. It would give the Chargers three first-round picks, including the first pick overall (they have the Giants pick as well). They could use these picks to upgrade a fairly stout defense and pick up the big-play receiver (Braylon Edwards?) they sorely lacked last year. Or, they could choose to trade one of the picks to strengthen their hand in drafts to come. Either way, the Chargers are in position to dramatically improve their personnel and this is clearly a franchise on the come. If the Chargers could just find a way to dump their coach, they could make a lot of noise in the AFC over the next few years.

Denver Bronco Cornerback Champ Bailey seems to be envious of former Patriot, Troy “two way” Brown. Bailey made some noise at the Pro Bowl that he wants to play some wide receiver this year and Bronco coach Mike Shanahan appears all to willing to oblige. Speaking at the owners meeting last week in Hawaii, Shanahan said playing wide receiver “will be a big part of what Champ does in the off-season. We're going to see what he can do.” I don’t get this at all. Shouldn’t Champ be required to show aptitude at his primary position before he is allowed to moonlight? To me, this sounds a lot like the slightly overweight cocktail waitress at a strip bar who is always begging the owner for a shot up on stage. Bailey, in my estimation, is just about the most overrated and overpaid corner in the game. This is the same guy who got LIT up one Sunday night for about 200 yards by the Raiders Jerry Porter. And that game was not an outlier as far as I am concerned. Since leaving the airborne-challenged NFC East, Bailey has gotten burned more than just about anyone other than oil firefighter Red Adair. I know CB has a big reputation that lands him in the Pro Bowl each year, but I have seen this guy abused on many occasions. Further, this is a guy who had only three interceptions last year, which happens to be the same amount that Brown secured in just half a season. My suggestion is Bailey should try catching a few more balls at corner before he is given a chance to catch any balls as a receiver.

Nineteen year-old Hornet rookie J.R. Smith has flown under the radar screen this year, but fans should take note that this bee is starting to buzz. Over his last six games, Smith has averaged 22 a game, highlighted by a hard six (33) he threw at Memphis on Friday night. Some may quibble that he is doing it for the lowly Hornets, but check out the way he is getting his points. He is shooting well over 50 percent ever since he crapped out in Chicago on the 18th. That isn’t bad for kid who still cannot buy a drink on Bourbon Street. Smith, who stands 6’6 and weighs 220, is simply a man-child with awesome athletic skills. More importantly, it looks like he just keeps getting better as he gets more playing time. Just imagine what North Carolina would have looked like had he decided to attend school there instead of playing in the NBA. You could probably argue that Smith is every bit as talented as current Tar Heel Rashad McCants. The big difference is Smith was selected 18th in the draft and I suspect McCants will be a lotto selection when he decides to make himself available. In other words, it looks like New Orleans may have gotten one of the best deals in last year’s draft.